Too many thoughts, too little time...

Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Sorry guys this will be another random one... try to keep up ;)

i tried to go through and clean out all my folders/papers/binders from high school/college the other day and it was a very interesting experience.

i save EVERYTHING. what can i say, i love memories.

well the memories that my cleaning spree has brought back have been mixed...

i found old papers, pictures, notebooks, notes, poems (that I wrote), printed emails, and just lots of STUFF... some made me smile, some made me laugh, some tear up, but others made me flustered, embarrassed and horrified... lets just say I've come a VERY long way in a LOT of things... 2 things in particular stood out: well ok 3: my attitude, my writing and my relationship status

1. i found a paper i wrote in HS and it downright disturbed me that i could write something like that and have my teacher read it... i think i even read the paper out loud to the class... i wanted to die with embarrassment... how could i have? wow...

2. i was always a good writer but i could really see my writing improve over the years... its pretty cool how i could see my grades, my style and the teachers comments go from good to great to excellent. one particular professor in college was really fond of my writing and i do have to admit it was with good reason. he really built me up and encouraged me and have always left a LOT of comments and feedback and input on my papers. He even wanted me to change my major to English. In short, he really impacted me as a student and as a writer. He has inspired me and I owe a great deal to him. I want to look him up and let him know that.

3. i was dating in HS and my first 2 years of college and i believe that had an effect on me as a student (in a good way) i found some old e mails of my then bf trying to help me with my school work... it was very cute... all of a sudden i remembered what it was like to have a bf and be in a relationship. even though it wasn't a godly one, it still brought back fond memories of being loved, missed, adored and downright cared for lol i have to say i had a GREAT bf (up until the point he broke up with me anyway)

i found other random stuff too... i love school and i love learning and i love education in general... i know i was born to be a teacher (among other things)

i was always a great student and i'm very grateful to God for that. Learning comes easy to me and i know it's a gift... Thank you...

Guy friends... i guess theres this tv show called my boys or something like that... its about having guy friends that are just that: friends, boys, brothers

i miss that... i miss my boys from RI... funny how none of them are saved, but yet they were/are truly my boys... just friends... i really love them and miss them and miss hanging out, playing v ball and going to UNO's together. i just miss UNO's lol

seriosuly though... why is that so rare among Christians? i want to talk to you does not equal i want to marry you... why cant guys and girls talk, hang out and be friends...? ok fine i know why. but still...

other thoughts... its funny how when some things become more important other things become less important...

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!

Salsa Fever

Current mood: happy
Category: Parties and Nightlife

My friend Julia wrote this and I couldn't agree more... I might was well fess up that I've been on a 3 week salsa spree, especially since I got my salsa shoes (which make ALL the difference!). Salsa dancing gives a girl a special feeling lol I guess it's easy to feel femenine, graceful and beautiful when youre being twirled around the dance floor by a man who knows what he's doing lol. And it's so Biblical too lol :) seriously, in salsa, the man is the leader who gives the girl a choice whether or not to follow his lead. There's got to be just enough tension between the two so that the girl can "read" what her partner wants her to do. It's fun! Even though I still say "sorry!" more often than I'd like to, I think I've come a long way and am truly learning how to follow...

"'the salsa bug'

I have officially decided that my future "he" has to add one more desirable quality to his extensive portfolio... that's right, i have fallen for salsa, or as people say "caught the salsa bug" while on a little vacation with my sister in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

This is all a very recent development, however I am quiet confident that it's not a seasonal infatuation with dance but a real, unstoppable attraction! The incredible liberating feeling of twirling gracefully, freely while the lead takes you on a breathtaking adventure--there is nothing like it! I discovered something dignifying and most enjoyable in following, it must be somehow weaved into women's make up. Not knowing the next step, the next turn until it happens, yet trusting him, allowing him to lead while owning the move, making it yours, a staple, an awe.. Music playing, rhythm, contagious Spanish melodies that put a grin of satisfaction on my face that's so hard to conceal.

There is something enchanting in this joyous music, most addictive, impossible to resist! And so I conclude that dance, especially salsa, is a pleasure that God intended for us people. He has wired us with a desire and an ability to enjoy this mysterious art.

We are born to worship, we are destined for heaven, we are meant to live, we are crafted to dance..."

And the tables turn yet again...

Current mood: chipper
Category: Romance and Relationships

Never say "never" to God... Apparently He has a sense of humor... so here we go again...

So last night i gave in and put on my favorite movie EVER (lol ok maybe not ever...): Pride and Prejudice. last year i must have watched it at least 5 times, with directors comments and everything else... it's such emotional porn but its SO good... well anyway, i didn't sit down and watch the whole thing, i just had it playing in the background while i was doing stuff. i guess i really wanted to watch it again because i think that's the situation i'm in right now... 2 people like each other but both think the other one hates them so they dont act like they like each other because both are VERY stubborn! the awkwardness, the weirdness, the whole uncomfortable deal... that movie does such a great job of revealing how sensitive and fragile human emotions can be... and i LOVE Lizzie! i can relate to her, i think she is so much like me (expect maybe she gives a bit more thought to what comes out of her mouth than i do...). she is strong, independant, opinionated, smart, funny, feisty, and loves to dance. i think she is a great character... my favorite part (top 10 maybe) in the movie is when her and mr darcy meet at the ball and she overhears him say that she is barely tolerable and then mentions it to him in conversation, turns around and walks away leaving him standing there... that's pretty much the part where i go : That's my girl! lol there are many such parts like that. But Lizzie is also a lady... as feisty as she is, she is very feminine and ladylike... something I'm still working on... i also love that part where mr darcy tells Lizzie at the end that her actions gave him the hope he scarcely allowed himself before... oh yea... its like i dare not hope for this its too good to be true...
anyway, i know its just a movie and its not real but it has a lot of truth to it... so i still love it... its a classic and i think EVERYONE should watch it! :)

It’s my BIRTHDAY!!! (AGAIN!!!!!)

Current mood: excited
Category: Life

Hey guys! Today is the 2 year anniversary of when God radically changed my life and (re)saved me! I'm so happy and excited! It has been an amazing two years and I'm looking forward to many, many more!

Here's a recap of how it all happened:

To Whom is Forgiven Much, Loves Much

My life was a mess. Since high school Ive been playing the Yo-Yo game with God: come close to Him and pull away, come close and pull away. Ive always known about God, believed in Him, and even felt Him sometimes. I called myself a Christian, but my lifestyle brought nothing but shame to the name of Christ. I said I loved God, but I loved the promiscuous, carefree lifestyle of parties, alcohol, and boys much, much more. It was fun at first. In college I was thrown in the circle of all the right people. I danced at the hottest clubs in Rhode Island, knew all the right club owners, DJs, bouncers, bartenders and other dancers. I partied and was on my way to Hell with the best of them. I lived a horrible double life. I would sing and act in the Easter plays at my church and then leave and spend the night with a guy that wasnt even my boyfriend. I would go to church and worship on Sundays nursing a huge hangover from the night before. Pretty soon though, I began to feel dirty, cheap and used. These were supposed to be the best years of my life, but they were filled with heartbreak, pain, disappointment, guilt, regret and depression. It has gotten so bad that some of my Christian friends have asked me not to call myself a Christian because of my lifestyle. I hated myself and what has become of my life. I wanted to stop and change my life, but I just couldnt. Every time I told myself that this was the last time, it never was. I failed miserably at all my attempts to change. I felt that even God no longer cared about me and has given up on me long ago. I felt like all hope was gone and there was no way out. I was certain I was going to Hell. Meanwhile, my mom never stopped praying for me. She received a prophesy that God was going to finish the work that He started in me. He loved me and was going to bring me back to Him. I came out to Seattle the summer after graduating college to visit her and a friend of mine brought me to GC. I enjoyed the service and felt convicted, but proceeded to get drunk and party that night anyway. Little did I know that God was beginning to break down the walls around my heart. I went to GC a couple of more times before going back to the East Coast and each time I felt God more and more. When I got back to RI God spoke to me and told me that if I truly wanted to break free I would have to physically separate myself from this environment and move to Seattle to live with my mom and my brother. In a matter of 4 weeks I have packed and shipped all my things across the country. I was scared, but I knew this was the only way. God has blessed my entire move, helped me buy the car of my dreams and blessed me with a teaching job at a private Russian Christian school. My heart however still did not belong to Him. I was still trying to change on my own and it wasnt working. I started attending GC by myself and didnt care about not knowing anybody because I was seeking God. On September 14, Pastor Judah was preaching on how our love for God must make our love for everything else look like hate, because God loved us first. In that moment I knew that God still loved me. He hasnt given up on me, He wanted a relationship with me and I wanted to have that kind of love for Him. At the end of the service Pastor Judah told the people who had an assault on their relationship with God to raise their hands. I raised my hand and I couldnt stop crying. I have no idea who laid their hands on me and prayed for me because I could not see anything through my tears. That night was my 180 degree turn. God has completely transformed my heart, mind, soul and spirit. He has healed me and given me His love. I am a new creation in Him. He has changed my life and did what I couldn't do on my own. He blessed me and gave me a new life. I want to spend the rest of my life showing Him my love and gratitude.

25

Current mood: busy
Category: Life

So I've been 25 now for a week and I definitely dont look it, dont dress like it, dont feel it and I'm not sure if I act it... funny, I've always thought of 25 year olds being either the Sex and the City girls or Friends... 25 is a mature age by which you should have accomplished some important things in life... not sure how far down the list I am...
What is age really? The only thing it measures is how long you've been alive, really...
We've got to find another factor to "number" ourselves by...

Any ideas?

Science and God

Current mood: chipper
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I think I might have posted this before, but it's still great!

Read this... it actually has purpose

"Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees."

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

This students statements are true, can you or can you not make night darker?

Is it possible for it to get colder after absolute zero -458 degre's ?.

Can you feel,taste,see,hear,or smell your brain?

If you support this student's statements then repost.

God in heaven won't mind if you do or don't.

No you won't go to hell.

But your conscience will feel great if you do

Secular music...

Current mood: exhausted
Category: Music

...is not "evil"!

i happen to appreciate all kinds of music and to me as long as it has a good beat (i like to dance!) and good, clean, catchy lyrics, i will like it! sometimes i need to listen to something different, what can i say i like variety in my life :) and even though i will never compromise my morals, beliefs and values i realize that not all secular music is about sex, drugs, alcohol, degrading women and partying. true, a lot of it is emotional porn and i do not listen to that, but its all in how you look at it.

so here is a great song that is going out to all my GIRLS: ok i guess my guy friends too :) much love!!!

You have my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart
You may not be in magazines, but you'll still be my star
Cause in the dark, you can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath imma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath imma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It’s funny how the tables turn...

Current mood: amused
Category: Life

this is absolutely nuts... a year ago, a few months ago even , i was BEGGING God for something that now i have absolutely NO desire for... more than that, I'm asking God NOT to give it to me... I can just picture God right now, listening to all my wining and crying and praying and begging and just patting me on the back saying, "But sweety, trust me, you really DONT want this... in fact, pretty soon you'll be asking me NOT to give it to you..."
WOW... its crazy.. it's awesome how we can always trust God to know best and do whats best for us no matter how hard we try to manipulate His love... He is SUCH a good dad :) I love Him...

God and Barbers

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Religion and Philosophy

God and Barbers

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:



"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.



Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber."I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed."Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people
do not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

To all my GIRLS :)

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Writing and Poetry

"BECAUSE" by TD Jakes

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize
what a gold mine you are,
Doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out
that you can't be topped,
Doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life,
Doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile,
Doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of an
awesome woman you are,
Doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs'.

Just because you deserve the very best there is,
Doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king,
Doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, Doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, and keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE!!

Send this on to your female friends who need to keep on doing
what they do best.
BEING A WOMAN OF GOD!!!!

Israel Highlights

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Travel and Places

In no particular order:

*Eilat/Red Sea/Scuba Diving

*Massada/Sunrise

*Camel riding/cave exploring

*Dead Sea

*Playing volleyball on the Mediterranean beach at night in Tel Aviv

*Meeting real Israeli people

*The soldiers!!!

*The FOOD!!! Ice Cream especially, I had it almost everyday!!!

*Praying for people to get healed and God healing them!!!! :)

*All the "deep" talks and witnessing to people :) open doors and divine appointments :)

*Wine tasting in the Golan Hights ;)

*Jerusalem/Western Wall/Sabbath

*Ceasaria/Kibbuts(?)

*Tveria/Sea of Galilee/Boat ride

*Having a bodyguard ;)

*Salsa :)

*New friends and unforgettable memories*

~*People's lives changing*~

The pics are up! Go check them out :)!!!!!

BACK in US :)

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Travel and Places

SURPRISE EVERYONE :) i couldnt extend my stay :( so i came back with the group last night and am now in RI with my dad and the fam :) will prob get back to Seattle by next Thursday/Friday in time for the Image :)! i have LOTS of stories and LOTS of pictures... will try to post both soon :) love and miss you all! cant wait to see all my RI peeps :)

Update 3

Current mood: cheerful
Category: Travel and Places

Hi guys!!!! i love and miss you SO much! I cant even tell you how much i appreciate you prayers!!! I can literally feel them lifting me up and encouraging me :) Thanks so much! God is SO doing His thing, its very obvious there is a clear purpose of me being here :) I LOVE it! The food is fabulous, lots of humus and salads, VERY healthy, I lost so much weight with that and all the physical activities we do :) i have a SWEET tan too, all the laying out in the sun and water time :) i miss home though... i cant tell you how special and surreal it is to be here, but i do miss home and all my friends/family. I feel so ridiculously close to God here its phenomenal... being here where Jesus was, walking the same ground, being at the same sea... its crazy... i'm having a good time and making new friends... i LOVE ISAEL and its people... its undescribable... :)

Another quick update

Current mood: enthralled
Category: Travel and Places

hey guys... love and miss you all :) a lot has changed since the last update... this trip suddenly took a serious turn, but God is awesome and SO had an agenda for me being here... it's a bit hard on my part though so please pray/fast for me and i'll give the details when i get home (which may be sooner than i thought).

on the bright note:

i LOVE Israeli people!!! made so many new friends and influencing so many lives, its mind blowing....

Scuba diving in the Red Sea... Dead Sea Spa... undescribable...

i'm spending SO much money here lol so pray for my finances!!! lol

i actually have lots of QT time to spend with God and read the Bible, i'm not behind at all on my reading plan :) and that helps A LOT!!! you have no idea...

there's so much to say and not nearly enough time to write it all so you'll just ahve to wait till i get home :) i love and miss you all. i'm having a great time and loving Israel and its people. its SO hard to see it turning its back on God though but the light and the love are slowly chipping away the hardness... 5 more days with the group... i want a grand finale... finish strong, make an impact thats bigger than i can imagine, and i believe God will finish what He started :) we made a covenant under the stars...

OH and its unbelieveable to actually see and walk in the places where so much (Biblical) history took place!!! its unreal and i LOVE it!!!

Super quick update on my trip :)

Current mood: exhausted
Category: Travel and Places

hey guys... love and miss you all SO much! thanks for all your prayers, believe me they are felt BIG time!

we flew in today and its 2:01 am right now and i'm just wrapping up my first day in Israel in Tel Aviv... i'm at a loss for words of where to start... it's unreal, but i feel so at home in this country... so at peace, so i like belong here... the people are amazing, everyone is SO good looking and VERY cool! i really ahve so much to say! i will def journal it all so nothing gets left out and I can really tell you EVERYTHING when i get home... just these points super quick:

i'm so different form everybody and they all know it

God is using me BIG time to speak into girls' lives

i have crazy favor

i LOVE this country and these people

its unbelieveably beautiful here

God is totally shining through me... His love and joy can not be hidden!

tonight when everyone else was partying and drinking i was playing voleyball with Israeli guys on the mediterranean beach!!! it was awesome!!! :) ok more later! love you all :)!!! keep praying!!!!

Israel Info

Hey guys, i totally want to keep in touch with all of you while I'm away for a month!
I'm not sure how much access I will have to e-mail/facebook in Israel, but i will have a CELL PHONE while i'm there!
My Israeli # starting on Thursday, 7/12 will be 052-456-1627
To call from US dial: 011-972-52-456-1627

So call/text :) i'll be happy to hear from you! the time difference is +10 hours
After July 29th(?) i will be in RI so i'll have my phone and internet access :)
yai! cant wait to go! love you all!

My Itinerary
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Travel and Places

For all who'd like to know where I'll be and what I'll be doing the next month:

Day 1
Wednesday 7/11
Flight to Israel LY028
Day 2
Thursday 7/12
Bruchim Habaim- Welcome to Israel!
Transfer to Tel Aviv- the first Jewish city in modern times - a vital, dynamic and vibrant metropolis that never sleeps.
Panoramic view of Tel Aviv from Azrieli Tower.
Checking- in ( Marina Hotel- TLV ).
Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea.
Dinner at the hotel.
Night tour to Old Jaffa- a quaint city, more picturesque than ever, with romantic paths and gardens.
Overnight at the hotel ( Marina, TLV ).

Day 3
Friday 7/13
Breakfast
Visit to the Diaspora Museum.
Transfer to JERUSALEM- the capital of Israel and of the Jewish people.
Armon Hanaziv overview.
Tour to Mishkenot Shenanim.
Checking in at Novotel Hotel and getting ready for Shabbat.
6:40 pm- Candle lighting.
SHABBAT SHALOM!
Visit to the Great Synagogue of Jerusalem for Shabbat Prayer.
Festive Shabbat dinner in the hotel.
Overnight at Novotel.


Day 4
Saturday 7/14
SHABBAT SHALOM!
Breakfast.
Shabbat sessions.
Festive Shabbat Lunch in the hotel.
Tour of the Old City of Jerusalem ( Zion mountain, King David's Tomb, Kardo street, roofs of the Old City tour, Western Wall. )
The Western Wall tunnels.
Farewell visit to the Western Wall.
Havdalla – Shabbat ending ceremony.
Back to the hotel.
Dinner and overnight at Novotel hotel.


Day 5
Sunday 7/15
Breakfast.
Visit to Yad vashem- The Holocaust Museum.
Visit to Herzel Mountain- the military cemetery.
Visit to the Museum of Israel.
Dinner.
MEGA EVENT for Taglit birthright Israel participants from all over the world!!!!!!!!!
Overnight in the Novotel Hotel.


Day 6
Monday 7/16
Breakfast.
Visit to Latrun- military museum.
Visit to Ezra forest and a ceremony by the Madrichim. Tree planting.
Archeological digs in Beyt Govrin.
Transfer to the South
Camel riding, dinner at the Bedouins camp (Nokdim).
Group session by the madrichim.
Overnight in a Bedouin tent.

Day 7
Tuesday 7/17
Bedouin breakfast.
Climbing the ancient fortress Massada.
Massada ceremony by the Madrichim.
Swimming in the Dead Sea.
Transfer to Eilat- a desert resort on the shores of the Red Sea – Israel's most southern town.
Tour of the city.
Dinner at the Shalom Plaza Hotel.

Day 8
Wednesday 7/18
Breakfast in the hotel.
The Red Canyon Tour.
Swimming in the Red Sea.
Visit to Ben Gurion's Tomb and Zin Valley Overview.
Transfer to Jerusalem.
Dinner and overnight at theMigdaley Yerushalaim Hotel.

Day 9
Thursday 7/19
Breakfast.
Visit to Zfat- the center of Kaballah, mystic Judaism, place where the spiritual meets the physical, where the East meets the West..
Tour to Tveria.
Dinner and overnight in the Mercury Hotel.

Day 10
Friday 7/20
Breakfest.
Security seminar.
Kayaking on Jordan River.
Transfer to Kazrin-the capital of Golan Heights - discover the secrets of this beautiful and serene landscape, whose hills and cliffs are packed with natural and historical sites.
Transfer to Tveria.
7:20 pm Candle lighting.
SHABBAT SHALOM!
Visit to the Great Synagogue of Tveria for Shabbat Prayer.
Festive Shabbat dinner in the hotel.
Overnight at the Mercury Hotel.

Day 11
Saturday 7/21
Breakfest.
Shabat sessions.
Lunch in the hotel.
Tour to Old Tveria city, Ramban tomb.
Havdalah.
Dinner and overnight in the Mercury Hotel.

Day 12
Sunday 7/22
Breakfast.
Visit to Kfar Kedem.
Visit to Haifa - is the main city of northern Israel and the third-largest city in the country.
Visit to Caesaria- the main residence of Herod and many other Roman governors.
Transfer to Tel Aviv- the first Jewish city in modern times - a vital, dynamic and vibrant metropolis that never sleeps.
Overnight in the Marina Hotel –Tel Aviv.

Day 13
Monday 7/23
Breakfast.
Closing Session.

After that I'll be staying in Israel for another week with my family and then going out to RI to see my fam and friends for another week :) A trip of a lifetime.. yea, I know!

You Ask Why...

Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

another great one i got from Erin :)

You Ask Why I Follow This Jesus? You ask why I follow this Jesus?
Why I love Him the way I do?
When the world's turned away from His teachings
And the people who serve Him are few.

It's not the rewards I'm after
Or gifts that I hope to receive
It's the Presence that's calls for commitment
It's the Spirit I trust and believe.

The Lord doesn't shelter His faithful
Or spare them all suffering and pain,
Like everyone else I have burdens,
And walk through my share of rain.

Yet He gives me a plan and a purpose,
And that joy only Christians have known,
I never know what comes tomorrow,
But I do know I'm never alone.

It's the love always there when you need it;
It's the words that redeem and inspire,
It's the longing to ever be with Him
That burns in my heart like a fire.

So you ask why I love my Lord Jesus?
Well, friend, that's so easy to see,
But the one thing that fills me with wonder is
Why Jesus loves someone like me.

-Author Unknown

Playing Esther

Current mood: mellow
Category: Travel and Places

So i'm going to Israel... in 10 days. to a place where Christians are not very well liked to say the least. i'm going with a group of Russian Jewish young people and something tells me that i will be the only Messianic... i hope i'm wrong, but i dont think so. my previous experiences with the Jews (some even in my own family) have not been pleasant in terms of Christianity. they dont like Christians. to be a Christian Jew is seen as betrayal and is not looked upon favorably. I have not revealed myself to be a Christian so far. i'm being discreet about it, but i KNOW that once we get there and once these people meet me, there will be NO WAY of hiding it any longer. i know it's God's will for me to go and He will bless me and my time there and who knows if I am called to go there for such a time as this... i believe i am. i cant wait to meet those 40+ people that I will be with there. and i know for a fact that once they meet me and talk to me they will know. i cant deny who i am. i cant hide the salt and the light thats in me. its meant for all to see so they might come to believe. am i scared? well no... theres no fear, just nervous excitement... i know it will be an adventure. Pray for me, guys. Pray that God will do miracles on this trip through me in His land to His people. I'm praying too :) Thanks!

WORD UP!!! So true and SO funny!!! :)

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Blogging

For those of you who are sick to death of getting emails that tell you
to forward to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that
wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do and there will be
consequences if you don't, then you will enjoy this.
                       
   Click Here:
<http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf> 

The Image

Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life

Romans 8:29 NKJV

"For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. "

The Image (of Christ) Church is a baby... a really cute baby lol. It's only about 3 months old, but very active, alive and growing!!!

Right now we meet on Monday (worship/prayer) and Friday (youth/service) nights until we find a building for us to meet on Sundays :)!

What else can I say about my love? We are wild. LOL VERY wild and fun and friendly and loving and young and we have the best pastors: John and Vita Petrus. I adore them :)! Oh and we are 90% Russian (crazy) ,but dont worry our services are in English and we will be a multicultural church :)

So come check it out, call me for directions :) wear your ripped jeans and crazy hair and come ready to PRAISE HIM!!! ;) Did I mention our worship ROCKS?!

RELEASED!!!

Category: Life

Good-bye City Church and Hello Image Church!!! :)

almost 3 months later, i have been RELEASED!!! after much prayer, fasting, seeking God and many tears (lol) God has given me the "go ahead", green light, His word, to become one with the Image :)

it has truly been a God thing and the timing of it has only made me even more sure of it :)

I would love for all my friends to visit me at the Image, because only then will you be able to understand why God has placed my heart there :) i love it... i love the people, the vision, the direction... it's what God has called me to and i couldnt be happier :)

HARD CORE PRAISE REPORT!!! GOD IS AWESOME!!! :)

Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

hey guys sorry it took me so long to write an update to my SOS last month, but i just wanted to wait until God's response was totally complete. and it became complete this past Friday!!! GLORY!!!
so i found out i was loosing my job about a month ago on a Thursday. i sent out an SOS asking for prayer the next day on Friday and the next Monday, 3 days later, as i was working at my part time job, collegegear, my bosses basically asked me to come work for them full time because they REALLY need me. how stinking awesome is that?! i was never scared or worried. i had God's divine peace and joy the whole entire time because i knew He would provide for me and He totally did!!! The transition was so smooth and flawless, God never missed a beat and i was NEVER without an income!!!
however, when i did the math, i figured out that i would be making less money at collegegear. i figured out how much more i would need to make per hour for it to be the same it turned out to be a 4$ raise. pretty big raise considering i was already making pretty good money. i didnt want to ask for it. i HATE asking for money. doesnt matter who it is. i mean i ask God all the time, but i dont like asking people. so i started praying to God that they would offer me a raise so i wouldnt have to ask. but then i kept remembering the same verse over and over again: Ask and you shall recieve. so finally i decided to ask. this past monday i boldly (lol) walked up to the owner of the company and asked him if i could have a raise. he seemed a bit reluctant as he told me he'd have to talk about it with my boss and and he'd let me know tomorrow. so Tuesday comes... nothing. Wednesday - nothing, Thursday - nothing, it's Friday and he has yet to say anything to me about the subject. so i start talking to God, "Lord, its Friday and i want a testimony to tell in church tonight so You need to do something TODAY!!! I want to know TODAY!!!" so right before i leave to go home for the day i walk to the owner's office and ask him if he had a chance to speak to my boss about it yet. he says that he just sent him an email and all three of us will have to find a time to sit down and talk about it. so i thank him and leave. i'm thinking, whats there to talk about? either i get one or i dont. he hasnt asked me how much i want, mind you, and i already have a specific number. so i'm a bit bummed out taht i wont know today, but its all cool, i TOTALLY trust God and i TOTALLY know i'm getting a raise! so i go to my interview with Sylvan, get hired on the spot (GLORY!!!!) have lunch with a friend and go to Bel Square to meet up with more friends. As i'm parking my car, my boss, with whom i have ridiculous favor mind you, texts me and asks how much i'm making now. hello, arent you supposed to know that?! jk. so i tell him. he then asks how much do i want to make. so i tell him. and then i pray. hard core. in tongues lol claiming that raise! i'm pretty nervous because he doesn't respond for a long time but i just keep praying. in my car lol. so finally he responds and i'm a bit scared to open it but i do. this is what it said: "Approved, DT (the owner) says you're well worth the money even though we are on a tight budget ;)" i scream. loud. and tell God that i love Him and He is SO great!!!
so yea, that's how God took AMAZING care of me. i have a full time job with a BIG raise and a great part time job as well... :) God is SO good. i totally trusted Him to provide for me and He finished what He started... Hes a good dad... He takes good care of His kids :)

Last day :(

Current mood: peaceful
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

today is my last day at the school...
the pastor announced it yesterday just as i came up to preach at the opening session before that i was very happy and excited
that changed as soon as i walked back into the classroom
my kids were mad and sad and really upset
so that made me sad... i didnt realize how much they'll miss me...
so today my desk if filled with flowers... lots and LOTS of flowers and cards and candy and pictures and even cake lol
parents telling me i'll be missed and students wining and asking me why i have to leave...
its sad and happy and sweet and exciting and frustrating and humourous all at the same time... its bittersweet... i love them and they love me... i know i'll see them, some of them all the time even so i'm not worried... or maybe it still didnt really sink in yet...

Shakespeare

Current mood: hungry
Category: Writing and Poetry

since i seem to be just stealing others' blogs this week, here's one more to add to the "stolen" collection. it's from Ulu and i LOVE it!

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Must run in the family...

Current mood: curious
Category: Life

My 17 year old cousin wrote this (yesterday i think) and when i read it, it was as if i was reading my own thoughts... i was just thinking about this! crazyness... it must run in the family... or be a Russian thing ;) perfect thoughts Current mood: weird Category: Life Do you ever just have thoughts bouncin around in your head and you just dont know what to do with it. People keep asking you. why r u so random? how did u even think of that? well.... look at the world around you how can curiousity not over take everything in you, its more powerful then fear or hate. My mind is constantly changing about everything and everyone. As soon as I'm not curious about it anymore i move on. But how some ppl unlike other ppl you can figure out so easily but others you can spend a life time with and they still amaze you. I think i have always wanted to surround myself with such ppl.....the kind that keep you wondering and guessing, with random thoughts and brilliant ideas who never count danger into the equation, but just go. Where their curiousity is so driven that no kind of fear can stop them. Ppl with their own opinions who are not afraid what would happen if they did but are scared to loose the opportunity if they dont. Well then I also think, who would be my perfect guy..... someone who would be able to keep up w/ me and can be more weird crazy and random then me someone who is more playful then me and smart in their own sense of the world that surrounds them, someone who is my complete opposite, i never wanna feel so content in a realtionship that is soon to become boring, but be with someone who is always premisciuse, who i can learn from and test every boundry with, walk on the edge of life and see what is there to find. But who the hell is that..... well i know that some times its too late, but i have met him. And for someone to out do him is crazy. but i have only now realized that he was everything i have always wanted and i loved his every flaw. I dont think this world has two of the same. So i either need to find some normal guy who is loyal nice smart agreeable consistant safe cute romantic (psht ew) prince charming sux! i want wolverin the distubed crazy guy who is wayyyyy better then a prince charming.....cuz i dont need to be rescued!!!! or just live my life trying to find someone that can come close to all his imperfections........ i can never wait for him because he will never come but its not like i cant be with out him... i can. Its very simple now, he will either come into my life again or not but one thing will never change......he will always be right for me, i am sure i will find someone absolutly perfect but i dont like perfect....perfection = boring...... all i want is his perfect imperfections that i have now realized i absolutly unconditionaly love about him. Offcourse my mind might change about this, but what will never change is that he was the first one to absolutly drive me crazy in everyway and all i wanted was more...............wow ya hah.

WOW (this is DEEP)

Current mood: impressed
Category: Romance and Relationships

i stole this from PJ cuz its SO good:

Perfect Love/Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to the Christian says:

"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone,

With giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me,

With having an intensely personal and unique

Relationship with Me alone, discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found;

Then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you."

You will never be united with another, until you are united with Me,

Exclusive of anyone or anything else,

Exclusive of any other desires or longings,

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing –

One that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best.

Please allow Me to give it to you.

Just keep watching ME,

Expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM,

Keep listening and learning the things I tell you,

You just wait.

That's all.

Don't be anxious, Don't worry.

Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them.

Don't look at the things you think you want.

You just keep looking off and away up at Me,

Or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready,

I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and the one I have for you is ready,

(and I am working even this moment to have both of you ready at the same time),

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me

And the life I have prepared for you,

You won't be able to experience the love that

Exemplifies your relationship with Me,

And thus the perfect love.

Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me

And to enjoy materially and completely the everlasting union of beauty,

Perfection and love that I offer you with MYSELF.

Know that I love you utterly,

I am EL SHADDAI (most loving).

Believe and be satisfied

"...and You came to my rescue..."

Current mood: loved
Category: Friends

GOD IS GOOD!!!

that's right!!!

I have THE most AMAZING friends!!! :D

and THE most amazing, incredible, loving, caring, Godly guy friends! i love them so much i just HAVE to give them shout outs: M.C., D.B., K.S.K., and B.M.!!! :)

yea, so i had a rough couple of days, but guess what? God was there!!! He saw my struggle, my pain, my frustration and my tears and He answered my prayers (which kinda caused even more pain and tears in itself but was for the best), comforted me and gave me exactly what i needed, wanted and asked for today! He is SO good! and i love Him SO much!

i know i'm in His perfect will and He wants and HAS the VERY BEST for me :) it's already mine and in the right time, His time i will get it :) meanwhile, i'm happy just to know He is protecting me from everything that's not from Him, that's not for me because it's not my perfect fit and wouldnt make me perfectly happy. so yea... i love life, i love God and i love my friends... what can be better than that?!

3 Strikes

Current mood: sad
Category: Romance and Relationships

and i'm out

i suck at this game

"Why's it always circumstantial?
Never any real potential
Obvious and so sequential
It always ends the same
Holding out with all that's in me
Is it worth all this pretending?
A story with an ugly ending, it's never worth the pain"

-toby mac

I amaze myself...

Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life

...the way i can smile and look perfectly happy having recieved news that make me want to scream
...how i can look someone in the face and say the exact opposite of what i really mean
...how i can put up this wall to try to cover up my true feelings

AND FOR WHAT?!?! for the sake of appearances? to look good and to save face? to be cool? to act like i dont care when i really care so much i couldn't possibly care more?
and whats even more pathetic is that i cant lie for anything and that i am so transparent people can see right through my act and then i end up looking even more dumb...
ugh i hate this! i hate how i cant just speak the truth and be myself sometimes at the risk of being vulnerable. not with my friends of course, but even sometimes with them although thats impossible cuz they know me too well... and the truth always comes out in the end anyway... oh well, just keepin' it real...

S.O.S.

Ok guys, as some of you may already know, the school where I work has been going through somewhat of a crisis ever since the church that it's a part of has split. We've been loosing students by the dozens with family after family pulling their children out. After numerous staff meeting and parent conferences the verdict has been passed: the school critically needed to cut staff. Since I was their biggest expense, I was given a month notice yesterday.
I know that God has brought me to that school and I know that it is Him who is moving me on as well. I'm not scared, angry or upset. It may seem strange, but I'm really at peace about it and very excited about what God has in store for me next. This wasn't a surprise as I feel that God has been preparing me to move on from there as I have already shared with a few of you. Still, this doesn't make the transition much easier since I don't yet know what I'm transitioning to. So I need your prayers! BIG time! I know God is in control and He will bring me to my next job, so please pray that it will happen quickly and smoothly. Thank you so much for your prayers and support! I really love and appreciate all of you! If you know of any exciting job opportunities that may be for me, let me know :)! Thanks again for being so wonderful!

Blessing, hugs and kisses!

The point...

Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

been learning a lot of lessons lately... and the more i learn, the more i realize that God's goal is not to make my life happy, comfortable and easy. that's really not the point... His goal is for me to reflect His image and fulfill the purpose He has created me for. as life goes on i'm beginning to realize that i will not always be in the same place doing the same thing with the same people. Lesley's leaving, Jamie's leaving and other events in my life really made me see how important it is to always hold everything loosely and never take anything for granted assuming it will never change, because it's almost a guarantee that it will. the point of my life is not to stay in the same place as long as its convenient and suits my desires. no... God has something bigger and greater in store. changes are hard and painful even when they are for the best, but if it's God's plan for me, then I'm willing... so here we go... let the adventure begin... its to big for me to wrap my mind around and i so want to hold on to the old and the familiar, but i know there is greatness in pressing on ahead... so i have to let go of some things to recieve even bigger things... exciting? i know... scary? yes. but i love this saying: if it doesnt scare you, then it's not God. so yea, this is God.

Pastor Jude vs Ladies' Bible Study

Current mood: busy
Category: Life

it never fails. ever since the ladies' Bible study started in Belltown on Wednesday nights (same night that Pastor Jude preaches) someone always comes up to me as i go into the main auditorium and says, " You know, we have a ladies Bible study in the other room." and i always smile sweetly and say, "Yes, i know, but i want to hear Pastor Jude." and i do. i'll pick him over ladies Bible study anyday. or pastor judah. or pastor wendell for that matter. not pastor steve though. lol the point it, pastor Jude gets through to me like noone else. its the anointing, i know, but it never fails...

A Perfect Day

Current mood: enthralled
Category: Life

so yea i know that V day was a while ago, but i still want to share how absolutely perfect it was for me :)
just like last year, i asked Jesus to be my valentine a few days before v day and here's what happened: the day before (tuesday), i recieved a message from one of my RI friends letting me know that she re-dedicated her life to God. i've been praying for her for a while, so this was such a gift for me :) there's a more to the story than just that, but it's a bit private ;)... i was very happy and very excited (to tears)... it stinkin' ROCKED!!! and the big day itself was just SWEET! literally lol my kids brought me so much candy and chocolates and flowers and gifts, i was HOOKED UP!!! the whole day was just perfect, it was like i was walking on clouds... belltown service rocked, pastor jude tore it up :D! God totally touched me... and then @ the GC service my "bff" (lol) got totally healed and rocked by God! i've been praying for that for a while too, so it was yet another perfect gift from my perfect valentine... i love Him...

p.s. bubble tea (after party) was fun too, i love hangin with my russians lol

Guys have feelings?!

Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Romance and Relationships

Ok, boys, don't hate me. I know my guy friends have feelings. That I can believe. But do all guys have feelings? And are they the same feelings that girls have? I just can't believe that some guys have feelings. Like the super "cool" guys and the rough around the edges manly men. Haha sometimes it seems to me like the only feeling some guys have is pride since it's the only thing some seem to care about wounding. The feelings that I'm talking about are pain (emotional), love, and missing someone. Are men capable of those? Besides the guys I know... but even with them, I'm not sure if they are capable of all of them. I guess Christian guys are, but even they don't show it sometimes. I hear my school's pastor always joking about how much pain guys are in when they fall in love and I'm like... really?! They are?! The concept of guys being in love, being lovesick, missing a girl, and feeling pain just seems so foreign to me. I mean yea I guess in theory its true, but it just seems so movie-like and we all know what a bunch of crap that is... hmmm I don't know where this is all coming from... I guess maybe just looking at certain guys I can't fathom them having any feelings at all. Sad, I know. On the other hand, and I've already written about this before, I've seen Russian men (and boys) show some serious feelings and emotions in the presence of God. And Russian males don't do that. That's why I love seeing men worship... it just breaks down all the stereotypes. so yea... so much for my ramblings... any thoughts?

Russians Only

Current mood: peaceful
Category: Music

Diana showed me this today... i love it... check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnKcsIxQZmc

i got 2 new russian cds thanks to sashka :) lol so yea its pretty much all i'm listening to now!

Heartbroken...

Current mood: sad
Category: Life

I didn't think I was going to cry. In fact I was sure I wouldn't. I told myself it wasn't a big deal. Yea, I was sad, but I was more excited for her and I knew I'd see her again and even maybe come visit in the summer. I mean it's not like we saw each other everyday anyway. It was just one year and we'd still keep in touch. I thought it was going to be a fun, painless good bye, more like a "see ya later" even... and then God showed up and changed everything! My heart broke and I bawled my eyes out... I only cry that hard when it's God... it was painful... very painful... all of a sudden it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks: Lesley, my sweet Lesley, my cadre leader Lesley will be GONE for a whole year! She's going to travel across the world... to ISRAEL!!! When we were praying for her, the presence of God was so thick, so heavy, it filled my heart with such love for her... love that was always there, but that was now burning with a realization of what was going on... it's God... it was ALWAYS God's plan for her to go. It blows my mind that God knows our life before we are even born... That He has a plan and a destiny for us that is so detailed and HUGE! I know it's God who's taking her there and that's incredibly exciting and amazing, but it's also incredibly painful. Painful because she is being taken away from her beloved family and friends who love her and cherish her and who will miss her more than words can describe. As I think back on the last year and a half of knowing her and her being not only my cadre leader but a friend, I can remember every moment we spent together, every conversation, every cup of coffee... God has knitted our hearts together and the separation hurts. A lot. But such is our life. It is not our own, we have laid it down for God, to be used for His glory. And He is in control of it and will do whatever He wants with us. And that's amazing, it's a great honor and it's so exciting, I love it. But it can also be just as painful as it is great. I'm not happy that the Carpenters are leaving. I'm not happy that Lesley is leaving. It hurts to lose the people you love. But I know it's God and I know I'll see them again and I know that God will be glorified through this and that He will do HUGE things through them, so I'm happy because of that. During prayer God also told me that that will be me one day. That one day my friends will lay hands on me to send me away to where God calls me. Russia, Israel, Africa... I don't know where, but I know I'll go. That was always the plan, I just didn't realize the logistics of it until tonight. That it would mean salty tears and painful good byes with the people I love. I love God. And I love Lesley. And I know God loves her more. So I trust Him with her. And I trust Him with myself and my future. God is good and He does good things... sometimes they are painful but still good... kind of like when Jesus left the disciples to go to heaven... they must have been heartbroken... kind of like I was tonight...

This is for EVERYBODY...

...who knows that they are not right with God. You may know the truth, but you also know that you are not living it. You want to, but just somehow...cant. Not so long ago in by "BC" days I used to be a "double-life" Christian: club on Saturdays, church on Sundays. I knew the truth, I knew God had a plan for my life, and I knew I wasnt living in it... it's not that I wasnt trying... I just couldnt... not by own efforts. At that time, this song was the cry of my heart. I knew that God was still there and I didnt want Him to give up on me. I knew that somehow, someday He would change my life when I couldnt do it myself. And He did. I still love this song and I hope it will do the same for you that it did for me. Dont give up on God, because He'll never give up on you. Keep crying out to Him and He will reveal Himself to you. His love is always there... constantly...


ZOEGIRL

"Constantly"

You said "Come to me, if you're weak"
"I won't look away & I will keep you close"
But the closer I get the harder it seems
I find myself pulling away from all of the things I believe

Lord, don't give up on me, it's You I need
So let your love rain down upon my soul
Filling up the deepest hole
I still love You so
I have tried to cross this river wide
And even though the storms were raging high
I could see Your light shining constantly
Constantly, You were always there

You said "Lay it down. give it up"
"I will understand no matter what it is"
But instead I face failures & constant disbelief
That you could ever love me knowing the secrets I keep

Despite my broken heart & shattered dreams
Lord, You're right there reminding me, reminding me

Oh, I have called to You in time of need
You let Your love rain down upon my soul
Constantly You let me know, You still love me so
Oh, I have tried to cross this river wide
And even though the storms were raging high
I could see the morning light, shining in the sunrise
Constantly...