This is just like You...

I just have to get this out before I go to bed. Super excited to sub for the first time tomorrow :) 8th grade SS, should be fun :P Up at 5 am, but anyway, I absolutely must share this:

You know the snow storm we had a couple of Friday's ago? In the middle of April? Well here's why... Very early that morning, this happened: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/359615_crash19.html?source=rss

One of the girls from our church is neighbors with that family. It's a big, Russian, Christian family with 14 kids...

This morning one of my students in the NewBe class who is friends with their neighbor shared this and I could hardly teach the lesson after what she said...

When the police came to the family's house to tell them about the death of their father, the youngest girl who is 9 years old went and hid in the basement of the house and when they found her, this is what she was praying:

Dear God, why did You take my daddy? I know that You're a good God and You only take good people to heaven and I know my daddy was a good guy, but I just have to know that he really is in heaven with You... Please give me a sign and show me that he really is... Please make it thunder, lightning and snow today, in the middle of April...

And it did... And Everett got the worst of it...

When Alesya finished telling the story, I could barely hold back tears... All I could think of was, this is really just like You, God... You would so totally do something like this... This is how much You love us... You would move heaven and earth to show us Your love... This is exactly what You did when You sent Jesus... This is exactly what You did when Jesus made a pit stop at His grave on His way to heaven right after being resurrected just to comfort Mary... This is exactly what You did for me last night when You drew me away from my friends and to YP, just to talk to me, spend time with me, and comfort me... This is just like You... You show us Your love in ways only we can understand and appreciate... That's why You are such a personal God... Thank You... I love You...

The Thoughts of a Good Friend...

One of my best friends wrote this and it's incredible... I totally endorse it :)

"I thought about this today considering the situation from yesterday and my thoughts…the way a man is able to touch a woman and look at a woman was designed for a relationship between man and wife where there is full-confidence, or an undying commitment to one another before God, family and friends. That very touch, that very look outside of the context of a God-blessed marriage or relationship can very well be manipulated into lust. All that God has meant to be a blessing, can very well be twisted to serve self. So what did I take from this:

· Do not be yoked with an unbeliever - I can sense when a person doesn't love God and I haven't asked for anything else in my prayers, so I bests not travel down that road. I've been down it 3 times and it wasn't good; your flesh/mind starts playing games thinking well maybe there is a chance – straight up lies. I passed this test much better than the previous experiences.

· I've been asked out on more dates by Non-Christian men than Christian men and I'm okay with that. Ultimately God knows what season I am in, I just need to listen and obey and not miss out on what he is trying to say to me.

Personal words……

Respecting me for who I am requires honoring my purity; respect me. I believe in being pursued for who I am beyond my beauty, shape, hair, eyes, and soft voice. Being pursued in time, building a friendship getting to know me for me and again keep my purity and giving me the time to get to know you.

I want someone to pursue and love me because of my genuine love for myself, for my God Lord Jesus, and for my friends and family, not because of my experiences, travel, where I work and what I like to do; these only compliment me, but do not define who I am.

Those three mentioned above take time to discover. If you want to kiss me or say I have to at least kiss you; that doesn't warrant anything, but only satisfies your temporal needs. You don't deserve that from me just because you think I'm cool or took me out on a date.

I feel that Christian women; holy women mentioned in 1 Peter 3 truly have to wait on God not compromising who we are… we carry the inner beauty of Jesus, of course we are attractive, but we trust God with our season and we know where we are suppose to be. We can't be yoked with unbelievers - there was a "click" in the external sense, but that person will never truly see me without knowing Jesus.

As women loved by God, we don't strive and hope for the attention of men, nor even fish for compliments; for it is God that tells me who I am, what I'm worth. I crave God's love, presence, daily revelation more than any relationship.

For all the single sisters out there sick of hearing, well one-day your husband will come just wait…. don't fish for the compliments of man, you have a relationship with the God of heaven who longs to whisper into your soul…. Tell me more Lord, tell me how much you love me, tell me why you smile at me, uncover what you have created in me; I'm yours

Blessed is the woman who remains steadfast under trial, because when she has stood the test, she will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, God is tempting me For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Don't be deceived, my dear sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above coming down form the Father of the heavenly lights, who does no change like shifting shadows. He choose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created, a sample of what He created to be consecrated to himself.

James 1:12-18"

The Random Ramblings of a Sleepy Mind

You know what's cool? I mean REALLY cool? How the pastor of the largest church in ALL of Europe was RIGHT in front of me last night... How he shook my hand, looked at me, talked to me, pulled me out in the front to use as an example... how he was even at our brand new baby church to begin with! I'm sorry if you can't catch my pure AWE of this... This guy really is HUGE, a legend, a first class speaker, in short, a BIG DEAL! I remember 2 years ago when he came to the City Church Global Strategy Conference, he was the only one I really cared about hearing... But since I was volunteering in the pastor's lounge during the times he spoke, I completely missed him... I was more than disappointed and upset... But God knew my desire and rewarded me for my faithfulness in serving :) I actually got to meet him and talk to him in the lobby between sessions and he even laid hands on me and prayed for me... So that's why I was so excited to see him at my new church where I am actually living out what he prayed over me... Pretty amazing, huh?

You know what else is cool? Our youth... Every Thursday since we started our youth services, at least one person gave their life to Jesus every week... Tonight it was 3 people... I absolutely love it... We have about 50+ crazy, passionate, radical young people who give their all to God and it shows... We love God and we love each other... but most importantly, we love people :) Lives are literally being changed and there's nothing more exciting than that :D!

I love our leadership team... We are growing so close to each other in our unified purpose of reaching this area... We are the engine that propels our young people to do what they do... We know it starts with us, so we have to not only set a proper example in public, but also sacrifice much in private...

I don't want to waste my life, nor do I want to just spend it... I want to invest it in order to make history... I will leave a legacy, an eternal mark, no matter what it costs... And I know what it's already costing me right now...

You can't make yourself love someone, nor can you make yourself stop loving someone, or make someone love you. True, you can manipulate yourself in or out of someone's heart, but genuinely speaking, if it's real... and based on more than just fickle emotions, love can not be ignited or quenched by human efforts (Song of Solomon 8:6-7).

I just realized that I was rejected for the same reason I was initially liked... So ironic and sad... I am who I am and the way I am because of Christ in my life... and yet...

Some cool stuff I heard and read recently:

God is not an idea, concept, or theory to be considered. He is a person to have a relationship with.

Pray. If it matters to you, it matters to Him... (I've been praying A LOT lately...)

Faith moves heaven to move earth.

Too much else to put it all in here... God is good :) I trust Him in the midst of all this hard stuff... I've let go so that He could do what I can't... Daddy... You're awesome!

Deja Vu

Lately salsa's been making me feel like I'm back in college... And not in a good way. All of a sudden I'm getting flashbacks of back when I used to go to clubs 3 nights a week, dancing with the hottest guys and the best dancers, staying 'till last call, doing the whole last dance thing and waiting for that after the club call to meet up and/or hook up. Yuk... the crap I put myself through all in the name of "fun".

I thought I was so over all that and I haven't really done any of it since college... until salsa. The connection didn't come until recently though. Even tonight, I recognized the familiarity of the scene... scoping out who was there, dancing and having fun with your friends, all while doing things to get attention from the person you really want attention from... in short, "playing the game". The drama of having the object of your affection there is almost unbearable... When you're just hanging out and dancing with your friends it's all good fun and dandy. But add feelings into the mix and it's pure emotional chaos. When you dance with someone you actually like, you're thinking... this is retarded... I don't want to just hold hands and go through the motions of some very proper ballroom dancing... I don't want to be so formal with you! I want to hug you, hold you, be close to you, talk to you, be alone with you, have face to face time with you that doesn't involve other people pining for mine or (worse) your attention! I get annoyed, and disappointed, jealous, and well... hurt. When you're in an actual relationship and the commitment is there, it's no big deal, but when you're not, it's inevitable, because frankly, you just don't know. No one wants to see a person they dig mackin' it to someone else.

I 'm not in college anymore and I don't want to feel like I am. Nor do I want to do the things I did when I was 22... I'm a stinkin' adult now so I'm done with this... I'm tired of salsa (not the dancing, just the scene) and I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster. I'm getting off... Maybe I'm not yet mature enough to separate dancing, attraction and romance, but I'm mature enough to stay away from it until it's no longer an issue.

Enfermo del Amor

I don't like the familiarity of all this... As in, wait, I've been here before... I mean, it's not like I didn't see it coming a mile away. I saw it, and talked about it and knew it. And I thought I was ok with it, or at least that's what I told myself. So why the sudden flood of emotions? Am I just totally blowing this out of proportion? Maybe I just listened to too many sappy love songs... Or maybe it was seeing one of my closest friends start a new relationship that sent me reeling towards something comforting, only to realize that it was no longer there.

So now I'm kind of torn between the sensible thing to do and the loving thing to do. God is not always funny... I really felt like He was almost challenging me last night with John 15:13. At first I was like... You've got to be kidding me... You can't really expect me to do this, right? I know why He is doing it though... to shift me from the romantic love (lust?) into the supernatural agape love... And it takes a breaking... Bargaining with God has never gotten me anywhere before, so I can't imagine that it will now...

To top it all off, I see so many people, many that I personally know even, go through so much hardship right now... I'm talking about real hard stuff like car accidents, death in the family, divorce, alcoholism, job loss (so I'm kinda facing this one too), serious illness, real relationship trouble and the like... and I'm here crying and whining about something that never even happened! As John would say... LOTS of help... So while others have to deal with "serious" issues in life, I'm left with... well... issues of the heart. Ok so maybe that's a gross exaggeration, but either way, if that's the most of my worries, I guess that's a good thing :P

I Only…

Not everyday… just when certain things happen… I’m perfectly happy with my life as is :) . But every once in a while…

I Only…

I only want to flirt when I know I won’t be rejected.

I only want to date when I like someone.

I only wish I had a boyfriend when I see Les and Drey praying together.

I only want someone to cuddle with when I see Marina and Tolik wrapped up in each other.

I only want to kiss when I buy new lip gloss.

I only want to be married when I witness a tender moment between John and Vita.

I only want to get frisky when I shop at VS.

I only want to have a baby when I hold Mendell.

I only want my own family when I watch Eva, Alex and Kaylan together.

I only feel single when I see all my friends finding their special someone...

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I can't believe I'm here... This is the kind of stuff you read about in books by famous pastors and preachers, so why am I going through it now? It's been building up for quite a while now and is still not completely resolved, but I think I had some sort of a breakthrough last night at John and Vita's. After talking to them and crying for 3 hours late into the night, I now see oh so clearly how very wrong I was. I screwed up big time and had to be set straight by my pastors which hurt a lot... Pride comes before a fall and I fell... in public... My heart was right, but my attitude and actions were so terribly off... I spoke the truth alright, but there was no love in it. I hurt a lot of people and the damage goes beyond what I can even see right now. I know it will take a lot to repair the damage I've done to myself and to others. There's grace, but there are also consequences...

I'm learning so much right now, but why does it have to be so hard? I know we are just starting out and all of us are such novices, such amateurs, all need so much help, all screw up daily... all so very imperfect and that makes it so hard... We all have our own ideas, opinions, personalities and we all clash... That's inevitable... It's how we handle our differences... That's what's going to make us grow. And I haven't been helping... My attitude straight up sucked... So what if I'm right? So what if I really do have all the answers (which I don't)... What kind of a leader am I if I just go around publicly setting people straight all day and slapping them around if I think they're wrong (even if they are)? What kind of example do I set if I can't submit to and respect my youth leader and publicly rebel against him? Honestly... I don't even know if I'd want me on my team... Probably not... I've hurt and disappointed a lot of people and my guilty conscience wouldn't even let me do the transition last night. Walking out of the service didn't help either. By the time I got to John and Vita's I was a mess... And I still thought I was right!!! I love my pastors so much! I regard their opinion very highly, and I look up to them tremendously. I know they are not perfect either, but it nearly killed me to have them have that talk with me last night. I know they love me, and John was very gentle in telling me the truth, but I still hate the fact that they had to see me like that.

I've goofed up before, but this was the first time others were affected... the church was affected. I know I'm not perfect, but as Tricia always tells me, I have extremely high standards for myself and often have a hard time forgiving myself when I screw up. I know God forgave me for this even 2000 years ago and loves me more than I can ever know. I know John and Vita were never mad at me and still love me just as much. I know my friends love me and forgave me. I just have to love and forgive myself as well... I know God never wastes anything. What the devil meant for evil, God can turn around and use for good. He is a restorer and a redeemer of all things. This will strengthen our youth leadership team, bond my friends and I even closer together and teach me an invaluable lesson on love, grace and true leadership... A righteous man (woman) may fall, but they will ALWAYS get back up and continue to press forward. My God is a God of infinite 2nd chances...Nothing is ever lost with Him :)

Out of My League

This week has been rough... Naturally, after being so inspired and lifted up at the conference, I'm beginning to see and feel things that are trying to bring me down (trying, but not succeeding!). It all started innocently enough with watching a few dance videos and playing a couple of chess games. Comparing yourself to others can hurt you big time, and as those thoughts crept into my mind the sinking feeling of defeat reminded me of my favorite Bible character, David. If anyone ever had a reason to feel out of place, defeated, inadequate and way out of their league, it was David. And I feel like I can relate to David more than ever right now. Salsa and chess aside, this goes pretty deep.

My recent run ins with M left me paralleling our relationship with that of David and Saul. Maybe I'm way off, but I see the parallels in almost every area. Am I out of my league or just plain out of line? The message that was preached last night seemed almost ironic to me... "Who do you think you are?" I'm trying to honor and respect him, to be an example and submit under his authority over me, but every single cell in my body just wants to rise up and take over. Right now, my way of dealing with it is like David's... just stay away.

My mouth gets me in trouble 90% of the time. My philosophy is, speak first, apologize later, and I do a lot of apologizing. It's very humbling, and you'd think I know by now when to keep my mouth shut, but no, I'm still working on it. I will never, however, push my way into something. I'd rather let it go and let God give it to me. When He does though, that's when I'll fight for it. David was a poor little shepherd boy who was promised the kingdom but had to wait to get it. He had to watch another man, Saul, have his way with it for a long time. He had to submit to and serve Saul, and then later stay away from him because even though everyone else loved David, Saul was out to get him because he knew that David was the chosen one.

I know M is not out to get me. I actually know that M has a lot of respect for me and really values me. He tells me how awesome I am all the time... So then why are we still like oil and water? If I hear another person say that we belong together, I don't know what I'll do... It happened at least 3 times this week... Why does the thought of us being together put me in cold sweat begging God for it to please not be true? I think I'm out of my league with M because I don't have all of his "qualifications", but I'm also out of line because of the way I treat him. If I am to be a true David, I need a major attitude adjustment. And as much as I hate to admit it, M is my "prescribed soil" to get me ready for my kingdom...

On the Edge of Life

To be radical is to be extreme. I'm all for living a balanced life, and I believe that as Christians we should be prime examples of that, but "balanced" is by no means an equivalent of "normal", mediocre, or going with the flow. This world wouldn't be what it is if it weren't for some extreme people who thought differently from the rest of the society (both good and bad). The invention of electricity, communication, transportation, abolition of slavery, equal rights, and abortion are all examples of people going against the grain of society. Most things in life are extreme. To take a stand on something, you must choose a side, there's no room in stand in the middle. And if you don't stand for something... well... you'll fall for anything.

Who sets the "norm" these days? Who decides what's acceptable and tolerable, cool, fashionable and "the thing" to do? Yes, I know it's "the society", but sadly, it's only a small part of the society telling the big part what do do, what to wear, how to act and how to live. I don't take advice from Hollywood, MTV or Cosmopolitan magazine. I used to, and learned the hard way that I didn't want to end up like the people who were dishing out this lifestyle. I think I'll pass on the DUI's, the promiscuous relationships, making a drunken fool out of myself, hook ups, breaks ups, heartache, out of wedlock pregnancies and marriages that end in divorces, law suits and custody battles. Are people who live like that really, truly happy? Are they really enjoying life and living it to the fullest? I think not... They must really not realize that by enjoying their life in sporadic moments in time they are destroying it as a whole.

I had an interesting conversation recently with a friend of mine who is looking for a "nice girl with a good heart". I told him that he wasn't going to find her in a bar. I then asked him if he really wanted a girl who got drunk, dirty danced with a bunch of guys and went home with someone whom she just met. He said no, but he'd take a girl who was buzzed, danced with just one guy and didn't go home with anyone. It's the whole idea of doing everything in "moderation" that makes it OK. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, dabble in everything without being committed to anything. Blurring the lines instead of drawing them and living in the grey instead of the clear... What does that say about you? It really is all about "the heart" of the issue. What's your motivation? What drives you to do what you do? Someone asked me why I don't drink. My response was, why should I? My body does not suffer from a lack of alcohol in my bloodstream. It's not even about what you do so much as it is why you do it. It's not about drinking, sex or whatever it is you do, but it is about what drives you to it. What are you trying to fulfill, cover up or satisfy? Tequila is an awful thirst quencher. I think I'll stick with tea :P.

I think that by far the most inspiring thing I saw at the conference was the 2,500+ young people who said, I'm taking a stand, I refuse to conform to the "norm" of the society and live an "in the middle", mediocre, "OK" life. I want the "abundant" live that God has for me. I want to truly live a beautiful life with no regrets, no compromises, knowing who I am, and what my purpose is. It's all or nothing. I'm either all in or all out. I don't want to be like a wave that's blown by the wind in all different directions with every new idea, trend or opinion. I want to know beyond the shadow of any doubt what I believe and why I believe it. I want to be firm, strong, constant and steady, because that's the only foundation you can build on. My life, beliefs, convictions, and values will not be shaken. There are enough people in this world who live ordinary, mediocre lives. Those girls (and guys) are a dime a dozen. They're cheap. I want to be extraordinary, a gem, a diamond, priceless... I want to live on the edge because it's the highest point...