I don't like the familiarity of all this... As in, wait, I've been here before... I mean, it's not like I didn't see it coming a mile away. I saw it, and talked about it and knew it. And I thought I was ok with it, or at least that's what I told myself. So why the sudden flood of emotions? Am I just totally blowing this out of proportion? Maybe I just listened to too many sappy love songs... Or maybe it was seeing one of my closest friends start a new relationship that sent me reeling towards something comforting, only to realize that it was no longer there.
So now I'm kind of torn between the sensible thing to do and the loving thing to do. God is not always funny... I really felt like He was almost challenging me last night with John 15:13. At first I was like... You've got to be kidding me... You can't really expect me to do this, right? I know why He is doing it though... to shift me from the romantic love (lust?) into the supernatural agape love... And it takes a breaking... Bargaining with God has never gotten me anywhere before, so I can't imagine that it will now...
To top it all off, I see so many people, many that I personally know even, go through so much hardship right now... I'm talking about real hard stuff like car accidents, death in the family, divorce, alcoholism, job loss (so I'm kinda facing this one too), serious illness, real relationship trouble and the like... and I'm here crying and whining about something that never even happened! As John would say... LOTS of help... So while others have to deal with "serious" issues in life, I'm left with... well... issues of the heart. Ok so maybe that's a gross exaggeration, but either way, if that's the most of my worries, I guess that's a good thing :P
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