Friends Forever

Been thinking a lot about friendship lately... I mean, with 800 something "friends" on Facebook (most of whom I actually know personally), the reality of who my real friends were was beginning to get a little blurred. Being so social and having so many people in my life put me in a bit of a predicament... Hundreds of people knew things about me, but not very many of them actually knew me. Which wouldn't necessarily be a problem if my life was boring, uneventful and I was able to keep my mouth shut. But no... I happen to live a pretty full, fun and "exciting" life, and share it with other people, because if you can't, than what's the point??? And so I talk, or post, or write, or comment about pretty much everything that happens to me on a day to day basis... What can I say, I'm pretty outspoken :P And so people talk... To me, about me, you name it. And well... sometimes information alone is not enough. Sometimes interpretation is necessary. And when it comes to personal matters, or issues of the heart, you can't assume, you have to know. And sometimes... you just have to experience.

I think I can safely say that I have at least 25 years of experience in friendship. Looking back, I can remember pretty much all of them. From preschool nap buddies and summer camp pals, to neighbors, school friends, college party partners-in-crime, co-workers, church, and dance... So many circles, so many paths, so many stories... Having made so many friends, I have to admit that I also lost a few ... Some I let go of quickly and with relief, and others I mourn and still hope to reconcile with, even to this day... They say a friendship that can end has never truly existed, and to some extent, I have to agree. But what signifies the end of a friendship? Loss of communication? No... Loss of common interests, activities, and community? Maybe... Loss of trust? Yes.

I've been through my share of arguments, disagreements and even "fights" with most of my friends at some point or another in our friendship, and of course the mature thing to do was to work it out, or at least try... And that can only be done through understanding. And understanding is, indeed, work. It's putting aside your own views, perspectives and feelings, and experiencing the situation in another person's shoes. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't... Sometimes the results were instantaneous, and other times it took days, weeks, months, and even years... But when it did work, when it really worked, the results were amazing. When understanding took place, a certain knowledge ensued... And not just an intellectual knowledge of superficial facts, but an intimate knowledge of someone's heart and soul... Having experienced what they experienced and felt what they felt, you "knew" them... The Greek word conosco means to know someone in such an intimate way, it is most often associated with the exclusivity of marriage, a circle of trust, a covenant of vows...

Anyway, my point is... People, even friends, may know things about you, but your best friends... they know you. Others may know what you did, but best friends know how you felt... Some may have heard what you said, but only those closest to you know what you meant... And with your best friends, with those who truly know you, it doesn't matter how far apart you live, or how often you speak... When the two of you are in the same room, it's like two hearts connecting as one... Or three hearts, or four, or however many you may be blessed enough to find, and keep... and love...

Wake Me Up Inside

I feel like I'm re-living a nightmare... Watching someone you love move on to someone else. The biggest irony of all... One person's happiness causing another so much pain... Of course, I realize that I can not hold anyone responsible for my happiness (or lack there of) but myself... And still... Why is it that the person who has caused us so much pain is the only person we want to be soothed and comforted by? And who also happens to be the person we need to stay away from the most? And it's not like you're not happy for them, because you really are, you just don't want their happiness to be rubbed in your face... You don't wanna know... Because you want to be happy too... But instead you feel alone, left out, thrown to the curb, left in the dust, replaced, broken... And you start questioning... Did you mean anything to them at all? Was any of it real? Why was I not good enough...?

The End...

A casual hi, a casual dance, a winter friendship turned spring romance
The story unfolds through late night texts and calls, two broken hearts playing their roles
Medicating the pain with booze and affection, meeting dead ends and searching for new direction
Need overcomes fear, the void must be filled, yet the walls come back up as budding hope is killed
There's no comfort in truth, just crippling pain, beautiful innocence lost, the holding out was in vain
Addiction is bondage, being chained to the past, living in memories of all that was lost
Future uncertain, emotions come in waves, taking it one step at a time, not planning the days

Friends are like balloons...

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle :)

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat :-O

If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep :P

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The best vitamin for making friends ..... B1...

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts .

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.

One thing you can give and still keep . . . . is your word.

You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.

If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished...

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time...

Ideas won't work unless 'You' do ..

Your mind is like a parachute . . . it functions only when open.

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice...

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

It is never too late to become what you might have been...

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it . Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons -
once you let them go, you might not get them
back . Sometimes we get so busy with our own
lives and problems that we may not even notice
that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so
caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we
forget what's right and wrong... Sometimes we just
don't realize what real friendship means until it
is too late. I don't want to let that happen so
I'm going to tie you to my heart so I never lose
you.

Share this with all your friends and see
what happens. Even share it with your
balloons that you think have flown away forever.
You may be surprised to see them return...

Why Can't We Be Friends?!?!

I think I've finally accepted a fact of life that I've been trying to fight for a looong time :/ But experience is a hard teacher and this time, I might have just learned the lesson: Guys and girls can't *really* be "just friends". It's a myth that goes against American pop culture (and most other cultures), and as much as it feels warm and fuzzy to believe in, it's just an illusive illusion...

Fact #1 - Guys have GUY friends... And that's all the friends they really need/want. Guys want other GUYS to do stuff with and bond with over life issues... Stuff like watching sports, going to games, talking about cars, eating burgers, drinking beer, smoking cigars, playing cards, and picking up girls. Sure, once in a while a girl comes along who can hang with the guys, and yea, it makes her "cool", but in the end, she is still a girl, and somehow just doesn't fit in...

And with girls, it's pretty similar as well... We pretty much have our "friend" needs fulfilled by other girls... Those who are like us, who understand us, who we can do girl stuff with and rant about guys who piss us off. And sure, we enjoy having our "guy friends" to get "guy" advice from, flirt with and get help with car issues/moving/fixing stuff, but to be honest, in the back of our minds, we are always wondering if they like us, or if we like them, and if maybe one day we can be "more than friends"... Case point: Guys look to other guys for friendship and to women for mating possibilities (NOT necessarily a bad thing). This also applies vice versa.

Fact #2 - Guys only want to become friends with girls they are attracted to. ***And by "friends" I mean more than "casual acquintances". This involves hanging out 1:1, talking on the phone, texting and being "extra" affectionate with and attentive to. I mean having deep, personal, quality conversations, sharing stories, experiences and really connecting heart to heart - and it doesn't even have to be in a romantic way... at first.*** The point is, with guys, the physical (hormonal) attraction comes first, and they want to get closer (friendly) with you because their brain (penis) is already toying with the idea of how you are in bed. When he asks you to grab some food, it's not because his boys are not around, it's because he'd rather spend time with you in hopes that you'll give him what his boys can't - sex. So if you know that someone is already attracted to you (enough to express it and make it known to you/others) and they are trying to become your "friend", it's not purely because they want to get to know you or find out who/how you really are...

Fact #3 - Guys only stay "friends" with you as long as there is that possibility of them getting something more from you. They'll only want to talk, hang out and be alone with you as long as they know they are getting closer to their goal, whatever that may be... Once they realize that their goal will not be achieved and all their efforts are in vain, their interest in being close friends with you will evaporate faster than steam and they'll move on to someone new and more promising... The "friendship" will also evaporate once they do get what they want from you and you'll either move on to being more than friends (dating, relationship, marriage and so on) or retreat back to being casual acquaintances at best, and at worst... strangers.

Now before every guy out there gets offended and hates me (and I have no one left to dance with), let me make it clear that there are exceptions.

Exception #1 - Family members or friends who are significantly (10+ years) older and are seen almost as parent/mentor figures. It's nice to talk to/hang out with/get advice on the opposite sex from a brother/sister/cousin or someone you respect because of their life experience :)

Exception #2 - Shared interests. Guys/girls you see and hang out with in professional/social/religious/GROUP settings where you may share a hobby (dancing :P), a goal (working out?) or any other "life" passion that will give you a good common foundation to build on. Note: These types of friendships are always group based and are better described as "casual acquaintances" with NO 1:1 time/texting/phone conversations. Example: I enjoy dancing with a lot of guys, most of whom I find attractive, and yet I don't spend any quality 1:1 time hanging out/talking to any of them off the dance floor, because it's when I do that things get complicated :/ What's good about hanging out in groups is that you truly get to know someone in their element without expressing an interest in them, so there's no awkwardness/pressure.

Exception #3 - Gays. Hands down, gay men make THE BEST girlfriends, although I'm not sure if gay women make the best guyfriends...


***OTHER DISCLAIMERS***

Please take into consideration the difference between being friends and being friendly. Sure, guys and girls can be friendly at a distance, but bring the two together in a close relationship, and one will always end up wanting more from another. Now whether or not those desires are admitted, expressed, acted out upon or kept in check is a whole another issue, but the point stands: Strictly platonic relations between men and women are hard to come by... Please also take into consideration that everyone has different views on what "friendship" means and how close they are with their friends. In this day and age of blurred gender roles and open relationships, there seems to be no black and white as everything fades into the grey area of "what's true for me may not be true for you" and such, it's sometimes hard to call things out for what they truly are. But again, this is my blog and it's clearly just my opinion that is stated here.

I think this conversation from When Harry Met Sally sums it up quite well:

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.

SuperWHY and SuperGOD

I love watching SuperWHY with Drew in the mornings :) It really is one of the best shows out there that teaches kids the alphabet, phonics, spelling and reading. Drew loves it and I really enjoy listening to him call out the answers and actively participate in naming letters, words and sounds.

Of course, I'm not in it for the academics (or the cheesy story lines), but somehow I still always get a lesson out of it... At the end of every show, after the Super Readers solve all the "little" problems, there is still that one underlying BIG problem that only SuperWHY can solve. As all the characters are freaking out and saying, "But this is what my story says, and there's nothing I can do about it," and "Oh no, what are we going to do, there seems to be no way out!!!" SuperWHY shows up and says, "With my power to read, I can change the story and save the day!" And then he goes on to change just one word in the story sentence and BOOM, like magic, all is well :)

I truly love that one part of the show (and watch it just for that reason) because it always reminds me that my God is a SuperGOD and with just one word, He has the power to change my story and save my day/week/month/season/year/life...

This Is Love Calling...

You know how there are things that are just unthinkable for us to do? Stuff that we can't ever imagine ourselves doing, things we swear we'll NEVER do, that we are not like that, that it's not "in" us? That was me last year... I saw so much of ________ going on around me and I swore that I would never do it. I was SO sure of it. I even told all my friends that even though so and so and so were doing it, I would never... I thought I was smarter, stronger, and better than that... Well guess what?! I did it... And not just once either... And then I thought my life was over. I got SO down on myself... How could I have done this thing??? I mean, it literally went against EVERYTHING I've lived and breathed for in the last 4.5 years. So yea... I plummeted, I crashed and I was broken from the fall... And then, my amazing friends came alongside me and showed me God's unconditional love and grace... "It's not over," they said, "You're not done, this is not the end of you. This is a defining moment, but it does not define you." "God knew you were going to do this, it didn't catch Him by surprise, He is not disappointed in you or love you any less."

Today in church, pastor Judah reminded us of Peter and how he denied Christ 3 times. Let's look at this story in the book of Matthew chapter 26 (NLT):

33Peter declared, “Even if everyone else deserts you, I will never desert you.”

34Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, Peter—this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.”

35“No!” Peter insisted. “Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!”

Peter was SO adamant about how he was NEVER going to do this "thing", and yet God knew... And He wasn't angry. He knew Peter was going to betray Him, but He also knew that Peter would repent and come back to be one of the greatest apostles and leaders of the first church. I can just imagine what was going through Peter's mind right after he denied Jesus three times and then looked up and met His eyes... I'm sure his anguish was even greater than mine, I'm sure he thought he was done, his ministry was done and that Jesus say, "I told you so!" and want nothing more to do with him... But he was wrong... Just like I was... Because God always finds us in our shame and our sorrow, when the world around us is crumbling by the doing of our own hands, He puts His hands around us and tells us He still loves us, that it's not over, that He's not done with us...

The consequences of my sin get thrown in my face on a daily basis. I've lost friendships over it and there are people who despise me because of it. What can I do??? The only thing I can - Cling to the one who loves me despite of my fall, the one who helped me get back up again and is not judging me based on my past, but guiding me towards a bright future...