I'm a dancer. There are no "if"s, "and"s or "but"s about it. I've been dancing for as long as I can remember, and I plan to dance until I can no longer remember. One of my fondest childhood memories was throwing a dance party at my house for all my friends while my parents were out. I was 10 years old. My poor Grampa who was watching my brother and I at the time almost had a heart attack. That reminds me, I really should apologize to him for being such a handful.... Not that that's changed.
So anyway, back to being a dancer... I grew up being surrounded by music, but just listening to it has never been enough for me. My parents danced, their friends danced, my relatives danced, my culture danced... I was introduced to partner dancing in kindergarten for crying out loud!!! I guess you could say I started young... While I don't remember doing much dancing (besides by myself, in my room) during my elementary and Junior High years, I do remember going to all my high school dances (Homecoming, Winter Ball, Prom, etc.). Once I got to college, I thought I entered dance heaven as I discovered the "club scene". I used to dance so much at this one particular underage club called Remis, that one of my AOL screennames was "remisrat"... Yes, my friends, it was THAT bad. Every birthday, every aced exam, every special and semi-special occasion was celebrated with dancing, because, well, dancing made me happy.
My "dance friends" (because it was debatable whether or not we were REAL friends) and I didn't even need to drink, we just wanted to DANCE. However, we did drink, even though our drinking didn't have as much to with the dancing as it did with the boys we were dancing (and hooking up) with. That's right, I just brought "boys" into this, because other than when I was playing "Go-Go" dancer with my girls up on stage, it was always our mission to find cute boys with hot dance moves. And we did... And they have caused me A LOT of grief... Granted, a few of the boys I met at church have caused me a lot of grief as well, but let's stick to dancing for now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that via "club dancing", I've met and gotten involved with many "bad boys" who did a lot of damage to my heart, mind and self-esteem. Now whether or not they "corrupted" me is contestable, since I've always had a choice to say "no", I just somehow never could...
Let's fast forward to post-college days. After I moved to Seattle in 2005, I kissed clubbing good bye and didn't really dance for about a year until I joined the City Church GC Dance Team. Hip Hop choreography has never been my strength though, so I only stayed on the team for less than six months... Right up until the time I got introduced to salsa. With salsa, it was pretty much love at first note. The music (did I mention I've loved Latin music since high school?), the moves, the spins, and the "ballroom" atmosphere had me at hello and I didn't stand a chance. It really was a beautiful friendship... Until my first "salsa crush". That was the first time I almost stopped dancing, and perhaps I should have, because I wouldn't have been the only one who quit due to a broken heart... I've heard stories upon stories of girls who were hurt so badly they not only dropped off the "dance scene", but also from what seems like "the face of the earth". Well, I didn't stop. I came back, round after round, getting back in the ring only to have my butt (heart?) kicked time and time again...
Dancing is complicated. Some people try to simplify it by saying, "Just shut up and dance!", but it's almost like trying to simplify a heart attack - What you don't know can kill you. When you see dancing on TV, it looks simple enough - beautiful movement to beautiful music, but you have no idea what's behind it (unless of course, you, yourself, are a dancer). Music stirs up our emotions, our soul... It's powerful stuff... And close physical body contact does the same. That's why there's so much more to dancing than just moving to the music. Needless to say, I am referring to partner dancing here, salsa and the like to be specific, and the following observations, thoughts and opinions come strictly from my experience, but perhaps you too can relate...
Since hardly anything in this world can be looked upon in pure isolation, but rather in the context of its relationship with everything around it and as a whole, I want to place dancing in its proper context: Moving to certain music, with certain people, in certain places, with certain groups, in a ceratin atmosphere, all while receiving a certain "something" from it. It's a skill, a learned skill, as well as a natural talent, a passion, a desire, an "addiction" as many call it, and a lifestyle (as well as livelihood) for many. It can be healthy or unhealthy, it can help you, or it can hurt you, it's a social circle composed of the "good" and the "bad", and everyone's motives for being there are different. There's an essence of accomplishment, social buzz, exhilaration, satisfaction, fulfillment, and pride in being good at what you do...
I was recently asked why I love dancing so much. What about it made me want it, crave it, "need" it? What holes did it fill in my life and in my heart? Exercise? Social connections? Physical contact and a intimacy (real or false) with the opposite sex? A sense of accomplishment, worth, value? Feeling beautiful, feminine, sexy, desired, wanted? Belonging to a group? Has it become a source of my affection, attention, acceptance, validation, approval, and identity? What feelings and emotions was it stirring up in me? How was it shaping and molding me, my thoughts, my attitude, my life? Just thinking about it makes my head hurt, and yet, I know I need to consider each one of these questions seriously.
While watching Century High, a cabaret show put on by the Century Ballroom, I was both amused and horrified by their spoofs of Footloose and Dirty Dancing movies. In one particular scene, the main character, "Baby", was crying on the couch while writing in her diary something to the affect of "Why should I throw away everything, my whole life, just to be in a high school dance gang with people who don't even care if I live or die?" That line really struck me because of my previous experience in how fickle, shallow, superficial and backstabbing "dance" relationships can be. While I did meet a lot of "true blue" friends at salsa who I know will stick by me no matter what, those are few and far in between, and while I can say that I genuinely do love and care about many people in the salsa community (even those who have hurt me deeply), I somehow doubt that they feel the same way about me... Unfortunately, most friendships in the dance scene tend to be surface level, shallow, superficial and conditional - as long as we go out together, I'll smile, say hi, give you a big hug, and chat with you between songs, but as soon as one of us stops dancing, you'll never hear from me again. Sure, Facebook makes communication outside of dancing very convenient, but how deep do most Facebook "friendships" run? Typed words can never replace the sound of someone's voice or the touch of their hand... Looking at someone's pictures is not the same as looking into their eyes.
Nonetheless, I've seen people change based on who they became friends with in the salsa community. Some of these changes were positive, but some, tragically negative. Don't be fooled, bad company DOES ruin good character, as I've seen happen time and time again, not only to the ones I was close to, but to myself as well. Who you associate with plays a HUGE influence in how you speak, think, and act... It's a scary thing to look in the mirror and not recognize the person you've become... To not have the outside match what's going on on the inside.
