My life is an adventure...

Current mood: content
Category: Life

...and i wouldnt want it any other way...

*more to come later*

Grieving...

Current mood: sad
Category: Life

cant sleep yet again...

went by the house today

visited John and Vita

saw the killer's myspace

thoughts spinning around in my head...

trying to keep it together

Post GC Randomness

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

yea i totally need to be sleeping right now, but i have way too much on my mind... so here i am... doing YADA stuff (YP) and blogging away in hopes that if i spill my heart out the stuff in it might somehow make sense... so here goes nothing...

J woke me up this morning (ok so it was very late morning, but still) and i spent about an hour on the phone with him just speaking wisdom and hope into his life. i totally got to share God's view on relationships (and why his failed) and even how God is working on that area in my own life and why I'm making the choices I'm making right now. it was really cool how J was responding to everything i said... i know God is softening and healing his heart. he wants to come visit and i hope he does soon... once i get this boy to GC or YP i know he's SO getting saved! even if i have to grag him to the altar lol :)

My good day continued as I met B at Volunteer Park for some catch up chillaxin time in the sun. we were sitting on that "black sun" thing right across from the SAAM, by the water, just talking about God and what was going on in our lives when "the guys" started showing up. at first i thought that it was just a few friends meeting up for a run, but 3 turned into 7 and then 10 and before we knew it we were literally surrounded by like 20 men in short running shorts with perfect bodies (and some perfect faces). there was something wrong though... the way these guys greeted each other was not very... "manly"... close, full body hugs and pecks on cheeks are fine for girls, but if guys do it it can only mean one thing... Yup... well what did i expect? this was Capitol Hill after all... so when it finally hits me i text B (i couldnt say anything because they were so close) "do you realize we are surrounded by gay men?" and she looks at me and responds like its nothing "yup!" so then i bust out laughing because now i think that its the coolest, funniest thing ever! I mean seriously! just picture it! so then the only woman that was there comes over to us and asks us if we're there for the run because she is not used to seeing many other girls there. so i have a moment of panic because i dont want anyone to think that B and I are gay, but i relax as soon as i realize that I'm wearing my WWJD cross necklace. we start talking to the woman and the guys around us and they tell us that they are a part of FrontRunners Run with Pride club of Seattle (check out http://www.seattlefrontrunners.org for more info) and we happen to be right smack in the middle of their meeting place. Side note: it took B and I a while to decide where to meet, so now i'm thinking, God, You are SO funny, this is totally You! we continue talking to each other (being really friendly and all) and they tell us more about the club and invite us to check them out and join them next time. SO HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING: i absolutely, completely and totally love gay men... they are the funnier, friendlier, cooler version of metro guys minus the snooty attitude. so yea, i would LOVE to spend a couple of hours in their company once a week showing them the love of God! what an amazing ministry would that be?! these people probably have a completely messed up view of Christians, Christianity and God. they need to know and be around people who can show them who God is without any prejudice or condemnation. so what do you think? are you in? i'm seriously going to pray about this... God knows I can't run for nothing, but I love these guys already and i really feel that this is something God has shown me for a reason... its on my heart now and i wont be able to rest until i do something about it...

Then i came home and my mom told me the latest development in the Kirkalnd fire: it was a murder... so i lost it... all i could think about was John and Vita and how amazing they are and how much i love them and i cant even imagine what they are going through... losing your family to a fire is bad enough, but to a violent, brutal murder? how much more pain can a family handle?

Lastly... tonight's GC service was right on the money lol... even in light of my new fast... it was pretty random, but i guess thats how God works...

one thing's for sure... i'm changing the world with or without a man... my life will not be put on hold because of my feelings and desires... if God wants every guy in my life to be "just a friend" because that's how i can serve Him better, then that's fine with me. if by being single i can further the kingdom of God, then that's what i want... Lord Jesus, give me the strength LOL! :)

Currently listening : Time Well Wasted By Brad Paisley Release date: 16 August, 2005

A New Perspective

Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

my best friend J from RI called me today completely devasted and brokenhearted because he broke up with his girlfriend... i've never seen him like this...

my principal's (who is also my mentor/youth pastor/substitute dad) wife's (who is a dear friend) two sisters died in a fire yesterday along with two kids... i just found out today at school... a tradgedy beyond words... the father/husband is fighting in Iraq...

at the homeless outreach tonight i saw living/existing conditions that are unimaginable and the pain of hopelessness in people's eyes that cant be described... i saw anger, disillusionment and despair as people tried to hold on to their last shred of dignity. people high and drunk in an effort to escape reality... none of it was pretty...

everytime i talk to one of my peeps from RI i hear the same thing... life is full of struggles...

last night i pretty randomly downloaded and listened to a sermon on suffering, how it matures us in our walk with Christ... and today i got to see some suffering... all people suffer, Christians or not, bad things happen to all people, myself included. its all in how we respond to it i guess... God is always in control and nothing catches Him by surprise.

when my non-Christian friends complain to me about their lives and especially their relationships, its easy for me to see why they are not happy and why things go wrong for them in their lives. its much harder to accept when things go wrong in the lives of people that love God and are serving Him.

so what am i to do? my heart goes out to all my friends/loved ones and even strangers that i see hurting... what can i do? although prayer is most powerful, i'm a woman of action as well lol. can laying aside my own problems, struggles and feelings and just loving on the hurting, letting them know youre there, that you accept them as they are, that youll do anything possible to ease their pain be enough? can a smile, a kind word, a hug, or even just being there on the phone and not saying anything show people God's love?

i want to do that... i want to be the one showing poeple God's love when they doubt it the most...

Currently listening : Ripen By Shawn McDonald Release date: 07 March, 2006

GEO PARTY

Current mood: busy
Category: Parties and Nightlife

The Geo Party was off the hook! Seriously, I had so much fun! All the food, drinks, friends, games, music, beautiful weather and the gorgeous view man, it was perfect! Pretty much everyone was there so I got to hang out with all my favorite peopleJ! YAI! It was my first time at Gas Works, I cant believe I didnt know about it before! It will be frequented now though lol! So naturally, if you get all the coolest people together, its gonna be sick! And it was! We had some VERY intense volleyball games and water balloon/bottle fights! It was quite the bonding time let me tell you... boys are such boys lol... and I got soaked! Still dont know what that was all about... Ill have to ask Andy tomorrow... its a good thing it was sunny and warm so we all dried fast. It was really cool to see everyone having fun and acting like kids though (although it was more natural for some than others lol)

So throughout the day I was getting text messages about the amazing Kenny Chesney concert I was missing in RI... its ok, I went last year, but still... nice to know my peeps were thinking about me and wishing I was there... awwww... lol ok Im over it! Honestly, I wouldnt have traded this Geo Party for anything! Some incredible new memories were made J

Currently listening : Salsa, Merengue, Mambo! By Various Artists Release date: 25 April, 1995

Country Music Survey

Current mood: indescribable
Category: Music

What got you into country? A boy lol. I dated a cowboy from Maryland and he convinced me to give it a try. Once I heard Alan Jacksons Remember When I was hooked and the rest is history

How many cowboy hats do you own? Two!

Boots? None yet sadly

Belt Buckles? Those are more for guys

Songs that move you to tears: There are a lot lol! Tim McGraws Dont Take the Girl and Shes My Kind of Rain, Keith Urbans Tonight I Wanna Cry, Rascal Flatts These Days, there are more I just cant think of them right now!

Most romantic songs: umm like half of them! Seriously, they are all romantic! If I had to choose though Rascal Flatts Love You Out Loud and pretty much all their songs! All of Keith Urbans songs especially Raining on Sunday and Somebody Like You, sorry I cant choose I love them all!

Best dance songs: Kenny Chesney! And Dierks Bentley of course! And Tim McGraw! There are too many to choose from I cant pick just a few! She Thinks My Tractors Sexy is #1 though!

Which do you prefer? Depends on my mood really, but I like the fast happy ones the most although sentimental love song is always welcome

Favorite song right now: Another tough one hmmm just because its summer and I drive a lot, Kenny Chesneys Summertime

Songs you know all the words to: pretty much all lol or way too many to list!

Country concerts under your belt: Brad Paisley, Dierks Bentley (I met him!), Rascal Flatts, Tim McGraw, Keith Urban, Kenny Chesney, Terri Clark, Gretchen Wilson, and a bunch of small artists that opened for them.

Tailgates: one unofficial one lol

Favorite Male Artist: Dierks/Kenny/Keith sorry I cant choose

Favorite Female Artist: Terri Clark/Leanne Womack/Shania sorry cant choose either

Ever been to a rodeo? Yes, once, it rocked!

Ever been to Nashville? No, but I really want to!

What are you listening to now? Rascal Flatts My Worst Fear (a tear jerker for sure!)

Currently listening : Melt By Rascal Flatts Release date: 29 October, 2002

Love Songs

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Romance and Relationships

so i've been listening to a lot of country lately... a mixture of my cds and whats on the radio... i LOVE having 3 country radio stations... it seriously rocks!

anyway, country music is mostly love songs, mostly about heartache... i LOVE dierk bentley's new song "slow down" and i'm not saying it just cuz i met him either ;)! lol i'm almost tempted go revisit some of my old poetry and see if any of it can be the next hit single haha probably not (its still very good though i got major skills lol)

but yea, country love songs are different than pop and other love songs. i guess its because they are more realistic... not that its good reality most of the time, but its things people can relate to. honestly, there is a country song for everything! i seriously can relate to almost every song in some way lol. i think thats why i like country so much... its like these songs are about me... pretty much every rascal flatts song anyway...

these songs are not necessarily christian, but they're good. i can sing every word lol and i think its because i feel it. we've all been there... we all have feelings... Yes, God is greater than our feelings and we shouldnt succumb to them, i strongly believe that, but feelings are associated with memories and its funny how some songs just take you back...

usually i'm not a fan of love songs and romantic flicks. i'm pretty realistic and i know whats what, but something about country music, country love songs... it just does it for me... like nothing else...

in the words of rascal flatts: "i melt"

as a single person who is trying to guard her heart and keep her feelings in check, i know i have no business listening to music that stirs up feelings of romance that cant be fulfilled, but something about it is almost soothing, like something to look forward too (except the heartache part lol)... one day... my cowboy (not a literal cowboy lol, unless thats what God really has for me) will sing along with me lol :) and i pretty much can hardly wait!

Currently listening : Feels Like Today By Rascal Flatts Release date: 28 September, 2004

Harvest Camp

Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

Song that was always stuck in my head: Jesus, Youre my superhero!

Most overused phrase: toot-to-do-do-do! (If I hear it one more time Ill scream!)

Games: Games were THE BEST! We had 2 sport sessions (not counting the morning workout) and 2 game sessions each day and they were all SO FUN! All of us not only exercised our bodies, but our minds and hearts. Heres some of the stuff we played: Soccer (Of course! Hello, this was a Russian camp!), Capture the Flag, Mr. Fox, 7 Bureaucrats (SO FUN! We totally tortured the kids! The point of the game was patience, obedience and submission), Socks (Another revenge on the kids game LOL!), Rocks (An awesome test of character game!), Night Game (THE BEST GAME! Total revenge on the kids! Everyones favorite! Pitch black darkness, flashlights, running through the woods, screaming, popping balloons, it was SO fun! And scary of course!) We also had a water balloon fight, lets soak everybody time, lets dunk the girls counselors in the pool time, 5 minutes of torturing all counselors and workers, and other things that I cant think of right now, but you get the point!

Crafts: We did the BEST crafts! They were really cool: awesome necklaces, key chains, bracelets and other jewelry. Everybody loved them, they were really neat!

People: Russians HAHA enough said! For real though, everyone was really cool. I didnt know anyone really well except Diana and almost everyone except like 6 people were paired off, so it was pretty much all couples which got a little bit annoying because the couples were pretty much always together. I guess camp is pretty romantic, especially at night when the kids are asleep and all the counselors and workers are hanging out by the huge fire lol there were 4 single people there including myself and I was the oldest one (not by much, but still) theres Russian culture for yalol. We all got along really well though and had a blast together!

Kids: I had 6 middle school girls and 8 middle school boys in my group (An older man was in charge of the boys, but only at night). I was pretty nervous because only 4 of those kids were from my school and I didnt know the other ones. The kids were SO good though! Sure, I had to have a couple of heart to hearts with them, but God gave me such favor, they totally loved me, looked up to me, and listened to me! I loved having the older kids because I could give them more freedom and independence. I barely had to ask them to do anything, they were pretty responsible and did everything themselves. I loved it! I always knew where they were and I just really enjoyed being with them, it was awesome! Our group was called the Brave Guys and Girls (trust me, it sounds better in Russian).

Church: We had church twice a day: worship, exhortation and lessons in the morning and worship, prayer, testimonies and performances at night. Guess who taught the lessons? Thats right, yours truly. I was nervous about how it was going to go, but God gave me such grace, those lessons were the best I have ever taught! The kids were very attentive and participated and it just went so perfect and so smooth, it was really anointed I could hardly believe it, it was ALL God!

My group also put on 2 skits and sang/performed to 2 songs, and my girls even wrote their own song in Russian to thank everyone.

Worship: THE BEST! It felt like we were worshipping all day because we literally had music on all day throughout the whole camp. And let me tell you, it was GOOD music! I heard so much incredible Christian music from so many genres, I felt like I was in heaven. I never knew such music even existed! Im talking Christian techno, hip hop, rap, REALLY GOOD music! Worship time was very fun too of course! Different groups led worship and we had a lot of dancing, jumping around and just having a great time worshiping God with reckless abandon.

Prayer: God showed up BIG TIME! Thursday night especially, it was so incredible! I wasnt even expecting it and then BOOM! Ill never forget itpraying for all the kids at the altar, prophesying over them, crying with them it was so awesome to see EVERYONE, especially the boys and guy leaders to be so moved by God, just holding each other, praying for each other, laying hands on each other, it was almost unreal to see tough little (and big) Russian boys crying, hugging each other and their leaders, praying for each other to receive the Holy Spirit 20 kids received the Holy Spirit that night! It was very overwhelming everybody telling each other how much they love each other and asking for forgiveness lives were changing right before my eyes Ive never seen anything like it before! Ive never seen kids touched by God like that before! I was praying with and for my girls and they were just so broken, we just held each other and cried together, they were telling me they loved me we were all just soaked in the presence of God This went on for a long time and it was so sweet nobody wanted to end it it was radical.

Food: There was SO MUCH FOOD! They fed us 6 times a day! No joke! Good food, like pancakes, chicken, pasta, Russian soup, lots of sweets, TONS and TONS of sunflower seeds (they are HUGE in Russia!)! Between all of us, we easily went through like 50 bags, we were eating them constantly! I seriously had enough to last me until next years camp!

Favorite memory: When all the kids were giving their testimonies after Thursday nights prayer. One of the boys from my school (a good buddy of mine and my personal masseuse) was completely in tears but so happy because he has just received the Holy Spirit and he said I waited 12 years for this and it feels so good! I couldnt hug him enough that night.

Funniest moment: Lost and Found time at the end of each day! It was THE FUNNIEST EVER! Throughout the day we would pick up the things kids left behind and at the end of the day we would torture the kids and make them work very hard to get their stuff back! It was SO hilarious! Punishments ranged from singing, dancing, push ups, running around screaming, goose walking to anything else that was embarrassing and funny. My favorites were singing Russian cartoon songs and techno songs! Everybody was doubled over with laughter; it was the most I have ever laughed! You really had to be there to truly appreciate it!

Overall: This was one of the greatest experiences of my life Sleeping in a sleeping bag on the ground with 6 girls in a tent flies and mosquitoes literally EVERYWHERE using the outhouse outside sinks man it was pretty hardcore and yet it was beautiful. Theres beauty in simplicity. God was there and lives were changed. I have to say the CK Camp really prepared me in some ways, but there was really no preparation better than prayer and God still surpassed all expectations, but thats why Hes God I got ridiculously blessed and touched by God and I am not the same.

City Kids Camp

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

Song that was always stuck in my head: I pledge!

Most overused phrase: Line up!

Games: My team didnt get to play all of them L. The egg game was pretty cool I learned a lot of camp games from other counselors though and that was fun!

Crafts: They were aight I really liked making the stepping stones.

People: Other counselors, volunteers and workers were pretty cool for the most part. Inters were awesome! I didnt know a whole lot of people, but by the end of camp I met, became friends with, and got closer to some pretty neat folks LOL J!

Kids: I had 8 3^rd grade girls and they were super cute! We pretty much instantly fell in love with each other! I didnt really have any problems with them. A few tried testing me but I set them straight right away J. I really enjoyed them and I miss them L I hope to see all of them again soon.

Church: I absolutely love Pastors Leon and Ryan! They are amazing! I really enjoyed the church services! The skits were very funny and entertaining and the messages were very well broken down for kids! Church was great!

Worship: IT WAS SO FUN! I loved all the dancing, jumping and silly fun stuff! I really enjoyed it, even more than the kids J! It was awesome exercise too!

Prayer: I wish there was more of it morning prayer rocked and it totally blessed me, but I didnt really get to pray for my girls all that much and I just felt like there wasnt enough altar time maybe because the kids were so young?

Food: It was ok... Im all set with pizza for a while, but other than that it was pretty good.

Favorite memory: Prayer Tunnel! I was seriously touched by God and then right after that we had to go to snack! Come on now! Whatever happened to basking in the presence of God?

Tubing was really fun too! I totally loved it!

Funniest moment: My girls said and did funny stuff all the time, but nothing that really stands out there were some funny moments when we went tubing, but I think I better keep those to myself...

Overall: It was my first time being a camp counselor and it was an awesome experience that has definitely taught me a lot. I got super blessed!