It. Is. FINISHED!!! My 40 day sabattical, that is :). For those of you who are still not quite sure of the What? When? Why? deal, here's a quick recap: a few months ago my priorities were out of wack: heart in the wrong place, thoughts scattered all over, body physically exhausted, purity and destiny on the verge of compromise. A sad place to be, I know. What started out as good clean fun was quickly turning into not so good, not very clean, and definitely not fun. I was losing my joy, my peace, my purpose, "myself" essentially... And it sucked. So I talked to a couple of mentors and decided to make some changes. Start with the woman in the mirror, per se.
DrawingClearLines came as a result. It felt good to take a stand, but my "relief" was short lived as three of my closest friends misunderstood my intentions and proceeded to stop being friends with me in response. That same weekend, my pastor asked me to take a 40 day fast from the dance scene, because she knew it played a big role in my frustration. Needless to say it was tough to say yes to that. Dancing has become my everything. But it wasn't even the "dancing"... Dancing in itself wasn't an issue. My pastors have always been very supportive of my passion for dance. What they weren't supportive of is it taking over my thoughts, emotions, and my "life" in terms of priorities, morals, values and standards. Taking this step of obedience (to God speaking through my pastor) felt like jumping off a cliff because I had no idea what would happen. On one hand, hiding out sounded good, but I knew this wasn't what this fast was supposed to be about. And so here I was, ostracized by my old "crew" and about to isolate myself even further by going on a 40 day sabbatical from an entire lifestyle that I've been keeping up for the past six months. I was apprehensive to say the least.
DrawingClearLines came as a result. It felt good to take a stand, but my "relief" was short lived as three of my closest friends misunderstood my intentions and proceeded to stop being friends with me in response. That same weekend, my pastor asked me to take a 40 day fast from the dance scene, because she knew it played a big role in my frustration. Needless to say it was tough to say yes to that. Dancing has become my everything. But it wasn't even the "dancing"... Dancing in itself wasn't an issue. My pastors have always been very supportive of my passion for dance. What they weren't supportive of is it taking over my thoughts, emotions, and my "life" in terms of priorities, morals, values and standards. Taking this step of obedience (to God speaking through my pastor) felt like jumping off a cliff because I had no idea what would happen. On one hand, hiding out sounded good, but I knew this wasn't what this fast was supposed to be about. And so here I was, ostracized by my old "crew" and about to isolate myself even further by going on a 40 day sabbatical from an entire lifestyle that I've been keeping up for the past six months. I was apprehensive to say the least.
God is faithful. So very faithful... Even when we are faithless, He remains faithful. As soon as I made a decision to trust God and go through with the fast, peace flooded my heart and mind. The searing pain I felt over my friends' rejection was eased by hope in God's promise that ALL things were going to work out for my good and His glory... The most miraculous part was Beautiful Feet... These girls were sheer gifts to me, and even though two of them are no longer physically here, our bond of "sisterhood" is strong enough to carry love and support over thousands of miles :) I am in awe of how God provided what I needed in light of Him taking away what I didn't... Oh, how He loves me :)
So while I hate being an example of what not to do, I can deal with it knowing that through repentance and pruning, comes fruitfulness :) SlowHealing is a piece of that fruit. Written half way through the fast, it highlights some of the insights I've been reflecting on. Other miraculous fruits include the Hawaii resolution, TEFL course, my (upcoming) trip to London/Paris, my new administrative position at the church, nearly tripling my IG (the group of girls I mentor), fun wedding road trip, reconnecting with old friends and "rediscovering" myself :)
This video is how I truly feel right now... FREE! My joy is back :) Makes me want to run, fly and soar... Or just jump around and DANCE!
This video is how I truly feel right now... FREE! My joy is back :) Makes me want to run, fly and soar... Or just jump around and DANCE!
