I love people. I am what you call an "extravagant extrovert". I get extreme pleasure from being around people and making new friends. I know no strangers.
I also love God. Jesus Christ, to be specific. I crave time in His presence, hearing His voice, feeling His touch, talking to Him, and seeing His reality in my life and the lives of others who know Him. I am what you call a "Christian".
And so my life was great... Loving God and loving people. In that order. And that's what made it great. My love for God overflowing into my love for people. All was good, my priorities were right and my heart was at peace. For a while...
I'm so ashamed to admit it, but somewhere along the line, that order switched. People came first and I began to compromise my relationship with God for my relationships with people. And I didn't even realize it until I was ready and willing to throw it all away. I looked at some of the people I was surrounding myself with and I actually envied them. They were "normal" and didn't have spiritual convictions and responsibilities to regulate their words and actions. The general rule of thumb seemed to be: If it makes you happy/feels good, then do it and deal with the consequences later. And so I wanted to be "normal". More specifically, I wanted to be free to do whatever I felt like at the moment and to date whomever I wanted without having this "issue" of "religion" (or lack thereof) come in the way. And then it hit me... I've already been there and done that... All of it. And where did it get me? I shudder to recall... And yet here I was, caught in compromise, eager to please my friends while leaving Jesus on the outskirts of whatever time/energy I had left after all the parties, dances and late night escapades. And it has cost me...
Thinking about it now, I have conformed so much to the crowd, I nearly lost myself and what I believe in. Reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis really opened my eyes to what I got tangled up in, and has finally given me the resolve to shake it off and stand up for myself, my faith and my Christian lifestyle again. And so I will no longer give in to please others, try to fit in where I don't belong, apologize for being "different", stay silent when I need to speak, laugh when I need to stay quiet, and say "it's OK" when it's really not. There are actually two things in particular that I'm really not OK with, and for the last few days they've been agitating me so much, I'm going to mention them here.
1. Drinking/Seeing people (especially my friends) get drunk (or buzzed, whatever).
2. Cussing. Especially when people use the name of God as a curse word, and especially if it's girls. Hearing cuss words is like the sound of nails on the chalkboard for me. It irks me to no end and I hate it with a passion.
So these are just two of the things that I no longer want to be around. I still love people, and I absolutely adore my friends, but I love Jesus more. Way more. Yes, I'm a friend, and yes, I'm a dancer, but above all that I'm a Christian, and what may be "normal" for others may not always be normal for me. I'm called to a higher standard of life... And if the people in my life can't respect me, who I am, what I believe, and the lifestyle I live, then maybe they are not my friends to begin with... All I know is that I'm done compromising.
4 comments:
Awwww, Annie!
There were many thoughts going through my head at once as i was reading what you wrote. Why?, because i have been there also. I know exactly what you mean. I know we two are not the only ones that have gone through this, but i also know it takes courage also to walk away from all, because of our love for our Savior... And YES! Be all glory to God, for He is worthyof all and Yes, we are no longer just creation, but we are God's very own children and we are therefor called to a higher standard, that which many do not comprehend. I am so proud of you! =) I also hate the things you mentioned and at times i also regret those moments in which i stayed shut, when i was to speak and be what we are destined to be, light.
I continuously felt i did not fit, even more among the friends i love, yet i knew there is a bond that no one can break, because of that i also made choices to walk away... And i still do too.
" For ye were sometimes darkness, but now
are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light.."
-Ephesians 5:8
I was told this once:
" If you have friends and they dislike your (earthly)father and say: I don't like your dad, don't talk to me about your dad, because i don't care, don't tell me about those things you say he is or else, because i don't like him!...
Are you going to keep being friends with that person, even more when you know your father is a righteous man? Are you going to let a friend disrespect your dad and say nothing, even more are you going to be hanging out with this person who wants nothing to do with you sharing how good of a father he is or how blessed you are to have him?,I bet you won't!!!! So, why are you going to be hanging out with someone who has no respect for your God, your heavenly Father? why are you going to be friends with someone who does not wants anything to do with Him. "
A teacher told me this once when i was struggling with friends i dearly loved, yet they did not respected my faith, my Lord and when i was to mention Him they will tell me they did not care. In conversations 40% cursing words the rest decent ones and doing things that have nothing to do with what we are to be, yet i was still in the mist of them!!! I had it rough back then and this alone opened my eyes wide open. I realize as much as i love them, i could not compromise my faith, my life, my love for God, because He is worthy of all and He is first in my life.
I realized what it is to feel like Paul too, maybe not in the whole context for he went through persecution, yet nothing, nor anyone is far more valuable or important than Christ himself for me!
"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ
Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung,
that I may win Christ,"
-Philippians 3:8
Lots of love for you and shower of blessings be upon you in the AWESOME name of our precious JESUS!
*H* =)
I doubt anyone will have a problem respecting you for your resolve. I had a similar problem- with drinking, in particular. I used to drink WAAAAYY too much. Which lead to .... other things. When I saw the people I used to "party" with they all expected me to be that same 'keg-standing, blackout-drinking, wake-up-in-a-strangers-bed' guy that I was. I had to decline a LOT of invites and I came up with the perfect excuse.
"I have to wash my hair"
"Dude, you're hair sucks, come on."
"Oh yeah? Well you're mom's face is a towel!"
"...--what?"
"Why don't you bend over, you're lookin right at it!"
Then hit them in the knees with a giant lollipop and run away... of course that plan IS contingent on you actually having a giant lollipop at all times... that's why it worked for me (-:
-Chaise
My "twin," I think God has sent you into my life to warn me about something I was about to throw my entire self into with no reserve. The Devil surely has many ways to set the same traps for us. The irony is that I just went through the same thing in a different crowd. I guess I was about to make the same mistake twice... Not sure yet if i'll be able not to, but I definitely see Jesus' love for me in sending you in my path to learn from...
Thank you guys :) I love you and am grateful to have you in my life :)
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