This week has been rough... Naturally, after being so inspired and lifted up at the conference, I'm beginning to see and feel things that are trying to bring me down (trying, but not succeeding!). It all started innocently enough with watching a few dance videos and playing a couple of chess games. Comparing yourself to others can hurt you big time, and as those thoughts crept into my mind the sinking feeling of defeat reminded me of my favorite Bible character, David. If anyone ever had a reason to feel out of place, defeated, inadequate and way out of their league, it was David. And I feel like I can relate to David more than ever right now. Salsa and chess aside, this goes pretty deep.
My recent run ins with M left me paralleling our relationship with that of David and Saul. Maybe I'm way off, but I see the parallels in almost every area. Am I out of my league or just plain out of line? The message that was preached last night seemed almost ironic to me... "Who do you think you are?" I'm trying to honor and respect him, to be an example and submit under his authority over me, but every single cell in my body just wants to rise up and take over. Right now, my way of dealing with it is like David's... just stay away.
My mouth gets me in trouble 90% of the time. My philosophy is, speak first, apologize later, and I do a lot of apologizing. It's very humbling, and you'd think I know by now when to keep my mouth shut, but no, I'm still working on it. I will never, however, push my way into something. I'd rather let it go and let God give it to me. When He does though, that's when I'll fight for it. David was a poor little shepherd boy who was promised the kingdom but had to wait to get it. He had to watch another man, Saul, have his way with it for a long time. He had to submit to and serve Saul, and then later stay away from him because even though everyone else loved David, Saul was out to get him because he knew that David was the chosen one.
I know M is not out to get me. I actually know that M has a lot of respect for me and really values me. He tells me how awesome I am all the time... So then why are we still like oil and water? If I hear another person say that we belong together, I don't know what I'll do... It happened at least 3 times this week... Why does the thought of us being together put me in cold sweat begging God for it to please not be true? I think I'm out of my league with M because I don't have all of his "qualifications", but I'm also out of line because of the way I treat him. If I am to be a true David, I need a major attitude adjustment. And as much as I hate to admit it, M is my "prescribed soil" to get me ready for my kingdom...
1 comment:
In terms of soil, sounds like there is a lot of Fertilizer around you right now. I'm just wondering where the Pruning and/or "Training" is going to happen.
John 15:1-17
Oh and in terms of being "Out of my League", there will always be someone who can do "it" better. It's not what you know but who you know. Relationships are one of the things we can influence and change. You will not feel so outclassed all the time if you remember that. It's one of the lessons USC taught me...
Example: Your writing compared to mine. You are a much better writer, yet you rarely think about it. People in general only compare them selfs to other people when they are worse at that skill; thus it seems like you suck at everything. I'm sure people compare them selfs to you, wishing they could be better at something you do very well; and to you, that skill is no big deal, it probably came to you naturally. In short, don't worry about it too much because it's pointless. God gave you a gift, use it.
James 1:16-21
Ecclesiastes 1:7
People not using the gifts God gave them
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