Daddy's Girl

Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Life

"My father I adore You more
Than anything my heart could wish for
I just want You
And Jesus my beloved savior
Everything I am I owe to You
I owe it all to You

And angels come and adore You
And we Your children worship You

You are my world
You are my God
And I lay down my life for You
You are my Lord
The one I love
No one could ever take Your place"

I don’t think I was ever a daddy’s girl. Maybe when I was young, but even those memories are foggy and tainted. My relationship with my father has actually been petty screwed up for a while which completely accounts for all the bad choices I made (with men) when I was growing up. What can I say? I’m your typical female without a strong male role model and everything that goes along with it. I’ve always known that was the reason why I’ve had difficulty in relationships with men, but what I had no idea about was that it would cause difficulties in my relationship with God. I mean I love God! No question about it. I view Him as my Savior, my God, the most important person in my life… my friend even… I have a close relationship with Him… but something is missing… I want more, I want to be closer, more intimate… I know He’s my father, but I’m having difficulty viewing Him in that role… I never really knew what having a good father was like when I was growing up and now that I have one (in a spiritual sense) and I know what it’s supposed to be like and what it’s like I can’t accept it… I just see Him as Jesus’ Father, but not really mine. Yes, I know we are all God’s children and He loves us, protects us, provides for us, and everything else that a father is supposed to do, but I never really got that from my biological father so I’m having a hard time accepting and expecting those things from God. And because of that God can’t give me my husband, the future father of my children. This is an important issue in my relationship with God that must be dealt with because it will alter my relationship with my husband. Frustrating I know… but it totally makes sense and I understand it… so I’ve been praying that God will reveal Himself to me as a father and let me see Him in that role for myself, as His daughter. And what does God do? LOL He really does work in ways we don’t expect… He is restoring my relationship with my biological father, healing it, so that I can have a restored view of it and view my own father in a way that God meant it to be. God is so good. His ways and thoughts are better and higher than ours. At first I was like, “God can’t you just magically alter my mindset towards You so that I can view You as my father?” Ummm yea… no, God doesn’t work like that… He doesn’t do things the way we do. And that’s actually a good thing. He is a God of healing, restoration, reconciliation, and love. YAI! And it’s working… already I’m beginning to view my father in a different light and it’s changing the way I view God… I’m not totally there yet, but I know I will be soon by God’s divine grace! God is my heavenly father… and I’m totally a daddy’s girl!

Currently listening : For All You've Done By Hillsong Release date: 14 September, 2004