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Current mood: determined
Category: Life

I won’t beat around the bush-my finances are a mess right now and I’m freaking out. It’s funny because they actually have been a mess for a while and I was fine with it, but today I found out just how much of a mess they were and it freaked me out. Just yesterday I was talking about how I’m perfectly fine and calm when I should be freaking out and how it wasn’t considered normal. Honestly, I really don’t worry about things much anymore. I just kind of hand them off to God because I know He is with me and He is in control and He knows all my needs and He will provide and take care of me. And that’s true, He always does. So then why did I burst into tears today when I got off the phone with the bank? It’s not because I don’t have money, God provided me with money yesterday… I guess I just feel so guilty and horrible for being a bad steward with the money He gives me and being careless with it which gets me in trouble. I’m faithful in tithing and all, but I’m not very responsible with balancing my checkbook and spending the rest of it. And it finally caught up with me. I’m ashamed before God. I’m like a bad child who has broken a toy that her father has given her… is God still with me, taking care of me and providing for me? Absolutely! Is He teaching me a lesson by letting me feel how utterly lost, confused, helpless, desperate and hopeless I would feel without Him? Yes. Do I get it? Yes… I am so sorry… Mrs. J said that sometimes God lets us feel stress and worry so that it would drive us to Him in prayer and I agree. Although I personally prefer the piece of mind and calmness He gives me in all areas of my life, I admit I do need a kick in the butt every once in a while to straighten me out. I definitely learned my lesson though, never again will my checking account get this out of wack!

Currently listening : Hiding Place By Selah Release date: 25 May, 2004