Conference B - The Eruption

It's Friday night and I me and a few of my girls went to CG Conference B to see if there was any way we could get in to this already sold out and packed out session to hear Pastor Benny Perez from Las Vegas (one of my all time favorite speakers). Standing along the wall in the back of the auditorium during incredibly intense worship (the Deluge band is the BEST!), I noticed how all 2,500+ people there were so passionately involved. It wasn't just the young people either. The ages ranged from junior high to high school, to college, to YP (young professionals) to middle aged security and ushers and even some really old people. Yet, every hand was raised, every single person was worshipping, and during the crazy fast songs, everyone was pumped, excited and going nuts (myself included). It was really quite a sight... breathtaking... My favorite thing in the world to see. I mean, what would make a sophisticated college educated young person forget how silly they look and worship God with such passionate abandon, giving it their all, unless they have personally met this God and knew exactly who they were worshipping. Listening to Benny Perez from the last row of the balcony was just was powerful as if we were in the front row. We were shouting and hollering and it was crazy the whole time... I stinkin' love how straight and honest and real he is! I think that very well was the sickest service I've ever been to... It kept going even when I left to take Alex home at midnight.

A lot of people call it hype. Emotions. Kind of like going to a concert and getting caught up in something bigger than yourself with dozens of other people doing the same thing you are. I can see the comparison, but I've never heard anyone say that a concert has changed their life. It's true that the younger kids may get high of the conferences, so it's a good thing that we do not live by conferences and church services alone. It's easy to get hyped up off of the excitement of others around you and just the awesome atmosphere of God's presence, but if that same atmosphere can't be reproduced the next morning when you're alone with God in your room, guess what?! It's not real. Some of my most intimate and personal moments with God didn't happen at a conference or even at a church, prayer or small group meeting. I didn't have the GC band, Image band or the Deluge band playing my favorite worship song. Nope, it was just me and Jesus, either in my room or in my car, with a Hillsong CD, my Bible and my journal. More often than that though, it happens in the morning as I'm getting ready. God loves speaking to me when I'm brushing my teeth... It's almost a joke between us. That's how I get most of my messages... Unless you want to spend the rest of your life traveling from conference to conference, one day you will have to face your relationship with God for what it is... away from the crowds, alone in your secret place.

So what does it come down to really? Why do we do what we do? Why do we live the way we live? I sometimes get asked why I write, why I share so much, why I'm so open. The answer to that is because I can't not do it. I speak because I have something to say. As John the Baptist said, "I'm a voice." It's His life, His word, His message flowing through me... I can't keep it inside. I know that I'm in a position of much influence, that I have the power to reach, touch and affect many lives, as I've already seen happen. I may not have the pulpit every Sunday, Thursday and Friday, and I may only physically speak to maybe 10-15 girls a week, but I want to leave a legacy that will live on long after I'm gone. That's why I'm investing myself in the younger generation, because I want to be remembered as someone who made a real, lasting, significant difference in the lives of others. I know too much to stop now. Even if God never does another thing for me for the rest of my life I will still live for Him because I've already seen too much. I've seen too many miracles, physical healings, too many lives radically changed, too many young people set free from addictions, healed of emotional scars, and transformed in their thinking. I've seen too many people touched by God, too many people encountering Him, heard too many stories and testimonies... It's way too personal for me... I can't live any other way. There's really no turning back. I'd rather die than go back to the life I lived before. I can't image my life without God now... I am truly not the same and I never will be :)