Generally speaking, we are all sexual beings who have a need for (physical) human contact, yet we all engage in social dancing for different reasons. The trick is to decipher who is there to pick up the opposite (or same) sex, get you to buy lessons, get some exercise, or really just to dance, have fun, and improve their skills. To be fair, quite a few of the people really are there to practice and get better at their dance, especially those who are just starting out and those who've been at it for a while. But why are they doing it?
For guys, it's simple: to meet girls, which is why at least half, if not all, of the men are there. I mean, come on, in what other place can you just approach a girl, ask her to dance and then hold her hands, at the very least, (depending on the type of dance/song) for about 3-5 minutes? And if you’re really lucky (or good looking) you might even get a name and some conversation out of her. It helps if you smile and make us laugh. It really helps if you actually know what you’re doing. I don't care how much the guys say they enjoy the music, or the dance moves, let's get real... if it didn't include the whole "dancing with a girl" part, how many guys would still be there? Not many...
For girls, it's a bit more complex just because we are very different from the guys. Most of us (with a few exceptions of course) are there to enjoy the music, the dancing, and to hang out with our friends, both guys and girls. However, we would still be there without the guys, enjoying each other's company, dancing with our girl friends and making new ones. We also tend to be not as aggressive as the guys in asking for dances and pursuing your interest. Are motives and interests are more social and music/dance related than romantic and/or sexual.
So now, possessing such information, one needs to decide how to appropriately respond to and interact with the different groups of people in the dancing community. Let’s start with the easiest category, The Beginners. Since they really are there to learn, give them a break and dance with them. Be nice and encouraging, who knows, they might get really good really fast and become one of your favorite partners! If they do however try to flirt or get your number, politely decline and avoid any future dances, unless they are really hot and you are really interested. Moving on to Dancing as Exercise, this one is also pretty easy, just enjoy the workout! The men in this category are often the sweatiest and smelliest. Don’t expect them to ask you out unless you actually provide them with a workout, or are really hot. This category can also include people who are there because they really do enjoy the music and the dance itself. They are there to dance, period.
Next, The Pros, people who are there generally to practice, show off, sell you lessons or promote themselves and their own venues. Don’t expect them to dance with you unless they already know you, or (as a girl) you’re dressed incredibly skanky. Any guy will do anything to get his hands on a barely clad hot body. Actually being an outstanding follow helps. Note the word “outstanding”.
The last category, people who are there to pick up and hook up, actually includes (some, not all) guys and girls from all the other categories. They are not there to have “guy time” or "girl time" or meet more guy/girl friends, they are there to meet and dance with the opposite sex. And this is how it works: They ask you to dance, ask for your name, smile, flirt, make you laugh, compliment you, maybe even teach you some moves. Then they start to sit with you when you’re not dancing, talk to you, learn about you, trying to get you to feel closer, more comfortable with them. After that, their dance with you might get a little sexier, they’ll start to test their (and your) boundaries, the flirting will turn up a notch, the attraction, the chemistry, the rhythm, it’s all there, and you’re hooked. That’s when you’ll start seeking each other out on and off the dance floor, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages – Are you coming out tonight? At which point this can go one of two ways: You either admit your exclusive interest for each other and start dating (this rarely happens, and if it does, it doesn’t usually last for long - I've seen so many people hook up and break up, it's ridiculous), or you look around, evaluate the situation and see that they are literally doing this with several (if not more) other girls/guys. How are you supposed to compete with that?! Should you even bother and is it even worth it?
As a friend of mine eloquently stated, guys have picking up chicks down to a formula. The girl is pretty much the only variable that keeps changing and rotating in and out. Another friend of mine said that guys are simple: if you’re pretty and can carry on a conversation, guys are interested. If you dress hot and can shake it on the dance floor, guys are very interested. So how does a girl handle all this male attention without falling head over heels and getting her heart broken when she realizes they’re not serious? From my own personal experience, the key is to be objective and not to get emotionally involved. I made the mistake of getting emotionally involved once, and it has literally messed me (and my dancing) up for months. I thought I was something special, somehow different from all the other girls, but I was just another variable in his formula. So yea, having learned from that experience, I can tell you to just use your head. Watch how they interact with other dancers… Do they treat them the same way they treat you? Are you really “special” or just the flavor of the week? Some guys/girls are just players and there’s nothing you can do about that. You can still dance with them and enjoy their company (and good looks), just be fully aware that that’s as far as it goes. Leave it on the dance floor, and keep your heart out of it.
It really is possible to actually make friends with the people you dance with. I’ve met and befriended many guys at salsa, even those who initially did try to “pick me up”. What works for me is clearly setting boundaries right at the beginning and letting them know that there’s just no way you’ll ever have anything even remotely romantic (or sexual) with them. As a result, you can go out there and enjoy dancing with some great dancers, who can also be great friends once they start looking at you as more of a sister/brother than their next hook up. I have many “brothers” at salsa, which only adds to my enjoyment of it. So when the dancing gets hot and spicy, you just gotta remember to keep it simple, keep it clean, and keep it pure :)!
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