Validation

This video has hit home so hard, it knocked the wind out of me and sent me into a tailspin of emotion so intense I needed a moment to collect myself after watching it. It was as if I was watching the story of my own life. Hugh Newman was me... A bubbly, optimistic cheerleader whose greatest joy came from speaking life into people's lives, making them smile and giving them hope. I was a leader at my church, a pastor's assistant and a mentor to many girls. My life was overflowing with happiness, excitement, and sunshine. And I couldn't help but share it with everyone I encountered.

All was well... until I fell in love. And of course, I couldn't fall in love with someone who was just like me, another "cheerleader"... I fell in love with a "wounded bird", someone so hurt and so broken, I just had to try and "save" him... And I couldn't. I took every smile, every laugh, every hug, every little sign of happiness on his part as a personal victory, a small triumph of some sorts, anything to keep me going in my efforts to "win" him over. And when I didn't, it absolutely devastated me.

I lost myself... I mean, after all, what was the point of having joy in my life and giving it to others when I couldn't share it with the one I loved the most? And so gone was my own smile, my own joy, my own sense of identity, destiny and purpose. Maybe not all of it all at once, but chunks of it were definitely stolen by sadness, tears and frustration that seemed to have come out of nowhere to fill in the void created by my broken heart. It stayed like that for a while... My family, friends and pastors were confused... What happened to their Anna?! They loved and supported me the whole way through.... They wanted my smile back. Jesus was always there too... Reading The Shack and lots of Philip Yancey helped me understand and get my peace back :) The Bible has provided me with some priceless wisdom and comfort as well :)

So yea, after months of pain and some pretty intensive "therapy", I was back! The joy, the laughter, the "gift" of bringing it out in others, was still in me... It has never left. I was now back to being myself and doing what I love... making others smile :) And this is still where I am right now :0) That is my "happy ending"... Do I want the same happy ending as this video? Of course I do... The thought alone makes me catch my breath... I'd do anything for things to end like that... However, I realize that my life is not a short film and that there are no guarantees or formulas to make it all work out exactly the way I want it to. And that's ok. Maybe an alternative ending will be just as good if not better :) Meanwhile, I'll just keep living my life, doing my thing and being myself... Because I'll never completely know the full impact and extent of my words/actions and whose life I end up touching...