Flooded

I don't know what it is about church lately, but it always gets to me. God always gets to me, I should say. Waterproof mascara has been my new best friend for a while now and it doesn't look like anything will change anytime soon... As I shared last night at youth, I really am loving this new fun, adventurous, "living by faith" lifestyle I'm living right now and am glad that God is teaching me so much through this. So many people, including John, have told me that they are amazed by my positive attitude and excitement, and let me tell you, it's genuine. Tonight, however, I bawled my eyes out...

After we had a quick meeting with Vita between Discipleship and Prayer, the sudden awareness of my circumstances started to overwhelm me. When John took the microphone and started to pray over the exact things that were weighing down on my heart, I began to cry... First, out of sheer helplessness and desperation because I realized that if God didn't intervene with a miracle, I would be in big trouble, but as he continued praying, I continued to cry because of the presence of God that showed up and enveloped me in His love and comfort... And this is what I understood:
What kills me is not not being able to go out, shop and travel... It's not being able to bless others. I was always the one to take care of people, and now that I'm limited in my abilities of doing so, it hurts me more than anything. At the same time, now I am the one getting blessed by others... As good as it feels, it's still very humbling because I'm not used to it... I love my friends so much... They know what's up and they know me... So it's like God is saying for me to just relax right now and let Him take care of me even when things seem impossible. I know a miracle is coming. I know my God. Tonight was something crazy... I must have went through half a pack of tissues... But lately that's been just your regular service at The Image...