Life in the Lime Light? I'll Pass...

Current mood: surprised
Category: Life

So I was talking to one of my girls from RI and telling her about the GC Dance Team and the GC Conference and how I'm in the front row for one of the dances, and she totally got excited for me and was like, wow, that's awesome, you love that stuff, that's great! Funny thing is though, that's not the same reaction I had… yea, I love the dance team and I'm psyched for the conference, but being in the front row? No way! More like freaked out! She was half right… I used to love that stuff… dancing on the stage, the spot light, the attention, the fame, all that jazz… But not anymore… I no longer seek the lime light to glorify myself and my own talents and whatnot… in fact, I avoid it… its not that I'm insecure or self conscious, no, not at all. I'm actually more secure and confident than I've ever been, but that no longer comes from me but from God. My identity and fulfillment lie in Him and I no longer feel the need to be admired, accepted and looked up to by others. My need for love, affection, and affirment come from Him alone. He is the One who completes me and satisfies me… I no longer need to seek it from other people… and its amazing how freeing and liberating it is. Also, I don't want others to see me when they look at me… I want them to see Jesus… I want to be a reflection of Him… I don't want any glory or recognition from anything I do, instead I want it all to go to Him… all the attention, all the glory, all the honor, all the praise… I want all my words and actions to point to Him…

Recently though, I've realized that even though I don't want to be in the lime light, I am. When people come up to you and say, hey I always see you everywhere or hey you're Anna right? it kind of alerts you to the fact that when you do things and you're around people, you get noticed… its not a bad thing, and even though that wasn't my intention, sometimes it feels good. But it also kind of makes me step back and say YIKES! I'm being watched LOL. I need to watch myself and be aware of what I say and do… but then again… when I'm in God's presence, I don't care who is around or how many eyes may be on me… I'll worship Him with reckless abandon because that is the sole purpose of my existence…