It started with Connor, a cute tiny little 5 month old who happened to fall in love with me and vice versa. Every time we would go out, I would get complimented on how cute “my son” looks. People would just assume he was mine, which bothered me because, as cute as he was, he wasn’t mine, and I didn’t want to be thought of as a “mother” or a single parent because I wasn’t wearing a wedding band. I’m not sure why, but I really hated the idea of random people I passed by on the street thinking this stuff about me. So I was just like, umm, thanks, but he’s not mine, so I can’t take the credit, I didn’t make him. I felt like I should be wearing a “NANNY” sign or something. Don’t get me wrong, I totally want to be a parent one day and have my own little bundle of joy to carry around and show off, but I'm pretty sure I want to be a wife first, so let's take it one thing at a time...
Fast forward to my current job: taking care of three adorable blue eyed boys who look like they could totally be mine (minus the blond hair). How many times have I been mistaken for their mom? Countless, although I’m hoping the parents at school know I’m just a nanny since the “real” mom occasionally drops off and picks up the oldest boy, Bennett. I just feel so out of place being there…at the school I mean. I see all those parents, both moms and dads in equal numbers, waiting for their kids, taking them to their classes, watching them play on the playground, and I feel so left out…Like I don't belong there... I can't even talk to them... I’m not like them… I’m not a parent… I don’t have my own flesh and blood out there on the swings…
So sure, it can be weird and frustrating sometimes, but it's also nice in a way... It gives me hope... Hope of all the wonderful things I have to look forward to... I love seeing dads with wedding bands on their left hand... It gives me hope of one day having a wonderful husband who will also be a wonderful father :) I mean they're out there... To look at the bright side, I'm getting a TON of experience, and it's not only educational, but fun :) I'm enjoying the "pretending" for now, but also definitely looking forward to the real thing ;)
1 comment:
I always say to myself just what you mentioned,lol "I am getting a good practice of what parenting is"! Of course sometimes the desire to have a beautiful a family of my own makes way to a little sadness, but then i remember that we are to be in God's perfect will and the plans HE has for us (HIS children) are of benefits... Therefore we await in HIS time and for the right person he chooses for us, in the meantime we get all the experience we can, taking care of the kids that are not ours! =)
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