Well Deserved

In light of a recent heartbreak, it seems like almost all of my (well-meaning) friends have tried to comfort me (to no avail) with the line “He doesn’t deserve you”. At the time, I think I might have managed a “yea” or an “uh huh” for a response, but now, the more I think about it, the more nauseated I become. I’m particularly sick of hearing these lines: “Wait for someone who truly deserves you,” and “You deserve better.” Better what?!?! Looks? Personality? Style? Social skills? Come on! By whose standards and who are you to judge anyway?

Now, I’m pretty great, but I’m no walk in the park by any means. I’m stubborn, sarcastic, and often in need of a filter for my blunt mouth that doesn’t know when to stay shut. I love the saying, “If you can’t handle me at my worst then you certainly don’t deserve me at my best” because that seems to be more of a case with me. Finding a guy who can “handle” me, never mind “deserve” me, would be nice…

Back to the “deserving” thing... Who is to say who deserves what and what is this “deserving” factor based on? Is it something we can earn or is it just who we are? I look at my friends’ lists of their “ideal mates” and it makes me gag. Virgin, healthy Christian family and a stable home life are just a few of the demands that I do not fit. Sure, some of them I’ve messed up by choice, but others I had no control over. Either way, it is what it is now and cannot be changed. For the longest time I used to think that I didn’t deserve a husband who was a virgin because I wasn’t one myself. Of course now I realize that’s just a bunch of crap. I look at my own list of qualities that I desire in my future mate and it’s nothing but character and personality: loving, honest, kind, witty, compassionate, responsible, sensitive, fun, smart, affectionate, intelligent, and so on. Of course at the center of it all stands one thing that defines the rest: loves Jesus. Without it, the rest cannot exist.

We do not “deserve” much of what happens to us in life, and unfortunately, some of those things have an impact on who we become. Whether or not someone “deserves” to deal and live with those implications is up to them. A lot of it is a choice, a matter of wisdom and personal decision, but not an issue of deserving. So when it comes down to it, is it standards or pickiness?

Love doesn’t judge. It doesn’t consider one to be better than the other. I don’t think any of us “deserve” love. Love is a gift that is freely given and freely received. It’s a true manifestation of grace… God’s grace. Completely and totally undeserved, unmerited, and unconditional. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: love is a decision, a commitment, a choice. It is not something to fight over, win or manipulate. So next time someone tries to “comfort” me by saying I deserve better, I’ll tell them to shut their face because if that was the case, I wouldn't deserve God's love, and neither would they.