It’s my BIRTHDAY!!! (AGAIN!!!!!)

Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life

Hey guys! Today is the 1 year anniversary of when God radically changed my life and (re)saved me! I'm so happy and excited! It has been an amazing year and I'm looking forward to many more!

Here's a recap of how it all happened:

To Whom is Forgiven Much, Loves Much

My life was a mess. Since high school Ive been playing the Yo-Yo game with God: come close to Him and pull away, come close and pull away. Ive always known about God, believed in Him, and even felt Him sometimes. I called myself a Christian, but my lifestyle brought nothing but shame to the name of Christ. I said I loved God, but I loved the promiscuous, carefree lifestyle of parties, alcohol, and boys much, much more. It was fun at first. in college I was thrown in the circle of all the right people. I danced at the hottest clubs in Rhode Island, knew all the right club owners, DJs, bouncers, bartenders and other dancers. I partied and was on my way to Hell with the best of them. I lived a horrible double life. I would sing and act in the Easter plays at my church and then leave and spend the night with a guy that wasnt even my boyfriend. I would go to church and worship on Sundays nursing a huge hangover from the night before. Pretty soon though, I began to feel dirty, cheap and used. These were supposed to be the best years of my life, but they were filled with heartbreak, pain, disappointment, guilt, regret and depression. It has gotten so bad that some of my Christian friends have asked me not to call myself a Christian because of my lifestyle. I hated myself and what has become of my life. I wanted to stop and change my life, but I just couldnt. Every time I told myself that this was the last time, it never was. I failed miserably at all my attempts to change. I felt that even God no longer cared about me and has given up on me long ago. I felt like all hope was gone and there was no way out. I was certain I was going to Hell. Meanwhile, my mom never stopped praying for me. She received a prophesy that God was going to finish the work that He started in me. He loved me and was going to bring me back to Him. I came out to Seattle the summer after graduating college to visit her and a friend of mine brought me to GC. I enjoyed the service and felt convicted, but proceeded to get drunk and party that night anyway. Little did I know that God was beginning to break down the walls around my heart. I went to GC a couple of more times before going back to the East Coast and each time I felt God more and more. When I got back to RI God spoke to me and told me that if I truly wanted to break free I would have to physically separate myself from this environment and move to Seattle to live with my mom and my brother. In a matter of 4 weeks I have packed and shipped all my things across the country. I was scared, but I knew this was the only way. God has blessed my entire move, helped me buy the car of my dreams and blessed me with a teaching job at a private Russian Christian school. My heart however still did not belong to Him. I was still trying to change on my own and it wasnt working. I started attending GC by myself and didnt care about not knowing anybody because I was seeking God. On September 14, Pastor Judah was preaching on how our love for God must make our love for everything else look like hate, because God loved us first. In that moment I knew that God still loved me. He hasnt given up on me, He wanted a relationship with me and I wanted to have that kind of love for Him. At the end of the service Pastor Judah told the people who had an assault on their relationship with God to raise their hands. I raised my hand and I couldnt stop crying. I have no idea who laid their hands on me and prayed for me because I could not see anything through my tears. That night was my 180 degree turn. God has completely transformed my heart, mind, soul and spirit. He has healed me and given me His love. I am a new creation in Him. He has changed my life and did what I couldn't do on my own. He blessed me and gave me a new life. I want to spend the rest of my life showing Him my love and gratitude.