I love people. I am what you call an "extravagant extrovert". I get extreme pleasure from being around people and making new friends. I know no strangers.
I also love God. Jesus Christ, to be specific. I crave time in His presence, hearing His voice, feeling His touch, talking to Him, and seeing His reality in my life and the lives of others who know Him. I am what you call a "Christian".
And so my life was great... Loving God and loving people. In that order. And that's what made it great. My love for God overflowing into my love for people. All was good, my priorities were right and my heart was at peace. For a while...
I'm so ashamed to admit it, but somewhere along the line, that order switched. People came first and I began to compromise my relationship with God for my relationships with people. And I didn't even realize it until I was ready and willing to throw it all away. I looked at some of the people I was surrounding myself with and I actually envied them. They were "normal" and didn't have spiritual convictions and responsibilities to regulate their words and actions. The general rule of thumb seemed to be: If it makes you happy/feels good, then do it and deal with the consequences later. And so I wanted to be "normal". More specifically, I wanted to be free to do whatever I felt like at the moment and to date whomever I wanted without having this "issue" of "religion" (or lack thereof) come in the way. And then it hit me... I've already been there and done that... All of it. And where did it get me? I shudder to recall... And yet here I was, caught in compromise, eager to please my friends while leaving Jesus on the outskirts of whatever time/energy I had left after all the parties, dances and late night escapades. And it has cost me...
Thinking about it now, I have conformed so much to the crowd, I nearly lost myself and what I believe in. Reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis really opened my eyes to what I got tangled up in, and has finally given me the resolve to shake it off and stand up for myself, my faith and my Christian lifestyle again. And so I will no longer give in to please others, try to fit in where I don't belong, apologize for being "different", stay silent when I need to speak, laugh when I need to stay quiet, and say "it's OK" when it's really not. There are actually two things in particular that I'm really not OK with, and for the last few days they've been agitating me so much, I'm going to mention them here.
1. Drinking/Seeing people (especially my friends) get drunk (or buzzed, whatever).
2. Cussing. Especially when people use the name of God as a curse word, and especially if it's girls. Hearing cuss words is like the sound of nails on the chalkboard for me. It irks me to no end and I hate it with a passion.
So these are just two of the things that I no longer want to be around. I still love people, and I absolutely adore my friends, but I love Jesus more. Way more. Yes, I'm a friend, and yes, I'm a dancer, but above all that I'm a Christian, and what may be "normal" for others may not always be normal for me. I'm called to a higher standard of life... And if the people in my life can't respect me, who I am, what I believe, and the lifestyle I live, then maybe they are not my friends to begin with... All I know is that I'm done compromising.
