Show Must Go On!

I thoroughly enjoy finding new parallels between dancing and my relationship with God :) Every time He shows me something new, I get really excited because I'm once again reminded that when we put God at the very center of our lives, it affects every area of our life :) Since God loves us so much, everything (and everyone!) we love is important to Him and He can teach us and speak to us through practically anything and everything!

So anyway, this is what I realized last night:

When I first started dancing, every time I'd mess up, I would just stop. Not only did it not look good, but it broke the momentum of everything I was doing before, which would have to get built up all over again once my partner got me back on track and we resumed the dance. Now, things are a bit different... Do I still mess up? Of course! Not as much as I used to, but occasionally small slip ups still occur. But you know what?! You'd never know it if you watch me now :) Because the more I dance, the better I get and the more I learn :) And one of the most important lessons I learned is to never stop... Just keep dancing! Even if I mess up or have no clue what's going on, I just keep on beat, keep doing the basic and keep up the momentum to go into another combination, turn or spin. And when I come out of it, I just go back to the basic! I never stop, because the key is to keep moving :)

In our walk with God, this principle translates the same way... Our journey with Him is a process. We are always learning, hence we still tend to mess up... So when you do, don't wallow in guilt, shame and condemnation! Don't stop doing what you're doing! Don't lose faith, hope and love :) Keep going... Keep on moving... Go back to the basic... Read your Bible, pray, surround yourself by the community and fellowship of other believers... Don't lose the momentum...

In this beautiful dance of life, God Himself is our partner, and He is faithful to complete the work He started in us. He'll get you back on track and into another exciting move :) Just learn to follow Him...

So You Think You Want To Date Me...

In the last couple of weeks I've been hearing a lot on the topic of singleness. Particularly my own and my girlfriends'. We are all young, intelligent, educated, GORGEOUS, talented, fun, and have personalities that literally radiate attraction. So what gives? I mean, the desire is there... There are plenty of guys I've been attracted to and thought, "Hey, I wouldn't mind going out with him!" I actually did go out with a few, but they all seemed to hit the brick wall of "Is this really going to work?" and resulted in a crash and burn... It's not that we wouldn't have had a fun short term fling or an even shorter intense red hot affair, it's just that I wasn't interested in investing my time, energy and emotions into something that I knew would leave me high and dry because it had no long term potential... Our standards, morals, values and beliefs just didn't match up, which completely eliminated the possibility of any romantic future together...

When a friend asked me why I wasn't dating any of the guys I met at salsa, I replied, "Because none of these guys want to date a girl who won't sleep with them." Sad, but true... I'm sure they all respect me for it, but nonetheless... Don't get me wrong... I'm all about love and romance and passion in the bedroom (and on the dance floor), but it has to be at the right time with the right person, in a relationship that is safe and secure, where there is freedom to let go and be vulnerable because there's complete trust, commitment and covenant. My body and heart are a package deal and are too precious to be given away carelessly.

That being said, here are some things you need to know about me and some things you need to check yourself for if a thought of dating me has ever crossed your mind ;) :

Me:

*Once you're in my life in any way, you're in, and you're staying in unless you choose to get out.

*I'm not the girl you bootycall at 2 am, I'm the girl you take home to meet mom and dad.

*I'm NOT going to sleep with you (unless you're my husband).

*I'm blunt and honest with a sarcastic sense of humor :) So if your feelings tend to get hurt easily, I'm not the girl for you...

*My top 3 Love Languages are #1 Quality Time, #2 Physical Touch, #3 Acts of Service. That means spend time with me/talk to me, hug me, and do stuff for me :P LOL

* I value sincerity, honestly and loyalty above all else.

* I love spontaneously, surprises and all that fun random unexpected stuff :)


You:

...have to love Jesus. As a person, and not some religious figure. Respect, admiration and faith alone are not good enough. Love.

...have to love people. All people. Genuinely. And be comfortable around all races/ages/ethnicities/orientations/backgrounds.

...have to be able to fit in and "hang" with my friends, family, church, and dance community.

...have to dance :) Anything counts really, as long as you have some passion and some rhythm, although the ideal, of course, would be salsa ;)


So if you can handle the "Me" part and got the 4 "You" things down you're golden (granted the initial attraction/connection/chemistry is already there :P)!

Validation

This video has hit home so hard, it knocked the wind out of me and sent me into a tailspin of emotion so intense I needed a moment to collect myself after watching it. It was as if I was watching the story of my own life. Hugh Newman was me... A bubbly, optimistic cheerleader whose greatest joy came from speaking life into people's lives, making them smile and giving them hope. I was a leader at my church, a pastor's assistant and a mentor to many girls. My life was overflowing with happiness, excitement, and sunshine. And I couldn't help but share it with everyone I encountered.

All was well... until I fell in love. And of course, I couldn't fall in love with someone who was just like me, another "cheerleader"... I fell in love with a "wounded bird", someone so hurt and so broken, I just had to try and "save" him... And I couldn't. I took every smile, every laugh, every hug, every little sign of happiness on his part as a personal victory, a small triumph of some sorts, anything to keep me going in my efforts to "win" him over. And when I didn't, it absolutely devastated me.

I lost myself... I mean, after all, what was the point of having joy in my life and giving it to others when I couldn't share it with the one I loved the most? And so gone was my own smile, my own joy, my own sense of identity, destiny and purpose. Maybe not all of it all at once, but chunks of it were definitely stolen by sadness, tears and frustration that seemed to have come out of nowhere to fill in the void created by my broken heart. It stayed like that for a while... My family, friends and pastors were confused... What happened to their Anna?! They loved and supported me the whole way through.... They wanted my smile back. Jesus was always there too... Reading The Shack and lots of Philip Yancey helped me understand and get my peace back :) The Bible has provided me with some priceless wisdom and comfort as well :)

So yea, after months of pain and some pretty intensive "therapy", I was back! The joy, the laughter, the "gift" of bringing it out in others, was still in me... It has never left. I was now back to being myself and doing what I love... making others smile :) And this is still where I am right now :0) That is my "happy ending"... Do I want the same happy ending as this video? Of course I do... The thought alone makes me catch my breath... I'd do anything for things to end like that... However, I realize that my life is not a short film and that there are no guarantees or formulas to make it all work out exactly the way I want it to. And that's ok. Maybe an alternative ending will be just as good if not better :) Meanwhile, I'll just keep living my life, doing my thing and being myself... Because I'll never completely know the full impact and extent of my words/actions and whose life I end up touching...