Second Chances

Current mood: contemplative

we've all given them and had them given to us before right? especailly in relationships and friendships... when i think about all the times my friends and i fought with each other... wow... and we are still friends... because everyone makes mistakes right?

its harder with relationships though... gosh when i think of my first 2 serious bfs... the first one, eddy... i dumped him right after our first kiss... i know huh... it took me a while to realize that i really did want to be with him... thank goodness he understood and we were togteher for 3 years... and my second one, jonathan... i made him dump his gf for me and then i told him that i just wanted to be friends right after he told me he loved me... it took some hard work to fix that screw up but he understood as well and we were together for 2 years... what did those guys understand exactly? well... they understood that i was scared and thats why i pushed them away... they believed that i really did love them and wanted to be with them and that i was sorry for hurting them and because they loved me too they forgave me and gave me another chance...
ok i admit it when it comes to relationships i completely suck... yes i get scared and i test you and i push you away just to see if youre for real and if youre gonna stick around... because if you want me you'll fight for me right? but even if u dont and u go running off because i've hurt u by my stupid, often meaningless actions, chances are that if i really like you i'll go after you to bring you back...

and when i think about myself... yes i give out second and third and forth chances way more than i should but i cant help it... i too believe in people, i believe that people can change... sometimes i am right and sometimes i'm dead wrong... i was right with TJ - i gave him another chance to be my friend after he hurt me and right now he is like a brother to me... i was wrong with aaron though... i gave him 3 chances and he hurt me all 3 times so he's done now...

my best friend's bf cheated on her and she gave him another chance... now i realize that its all very complicated and there are a lot of factors that need to be considered but in the end it all depends on the 2 people... were you hurt that badly that you can completely turn your back on the other person and not grant him/her a second chance?

if someone actually wants a second chance isnt that proof enough that they care? if someone is truly sorry and they realize their mistake and they want forgiveness doesnt that mean that they care enough about you to still want to be in your life? so what's it gonna take? who's the bigger person now?