"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character."
Everything starts with a single thought. The moment you allow yourself to entertain the idea of something, an unseen seed is planted in your mind that starts sprouting its way down to your heart where it produces visible fruit. And it can be both good and bad. The good is obvious, so let's talk about the bad :P You get this crazy idea that you can't even bring yourself to say out loud. You know you can't do it, shouldn't do it, that it's so bad, so wrong, so... not you. And yet it starts... "It's OK, I can think about it... I'll never say it, or do it, but just thinking about is OK.... So just let me indulge myself for a short while, 'cuz it feels so good..." And so you start thinking about it... Meditating on it... Getting comfortable with it... These thoughts don't just "cross" your mind... They straight up make camp there. And eventually those thoughts win you over to the point where you're OK speaking them out loud. And as you speak it, you not only begin to rationalize doing it, you actually make a resolution to do it... One day anyway, and just once... And then, never again. And then that one day comes... Again, and again and again... Until the point it becomes not just something that you do, but who you are...
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting them not to."
It's not the feeling of hate towards someone that means that a relationship is truly over. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, often interchangeable really, as "love-hate" often comes out of anger, frustration and annoyance with someone you love. What really signifies "the end" is fear. Fear is the opposite of faith, or trust... Faith in the future of a relationship/friendship and trust that the other person is just as invested in it as you are. There's nothing sadder than when a face you used to love and adore becomes ugly and repulsive to you because of how much the person behind it has hurt you. When instead of your heart skipping a beat with joy and excitement at seeing him/her, it recoils with cold and paralyzing fear at the thought of suffering any more pain at the hand of that person. When the only desire that's left is not for comfort, reconciliation, answers or closure, but to never have to deal with that individual ever again. It's hard to bounce back from that kind of damage, as fear drives a wedge between people that's deeper than hate or even indifference.
"The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest, don't want to end up where You found me."
Don't look back, those who look back want to go back... We either remember only the good or only the bad... And in reality, it was never THAT good (or THAT bad) for it to be worth going back to. Imagine a child crying from the pain of getting a vaccination shot. Now, on the way home, her mind keeps going back to that moment, and she starts crying again. The physical pain itself is long gone and she is miles away from the doctor's office, safe in her parent's car, but emotionally, she keeps going back and reliving the fear and pain of getting that shot when it's really over and she should just forget about it and move on... So don't do it. Don't live in yesterday's pain. Don't keep going back to it in your mind and refreshing the emotions of the past. Yesterday ended last night, today is a brand new day, and nothing has to ever be the same.
Sad, But True...
This blows my mind:
When you're hurt by someone, they are the ones you want to be comforted by... For them to "un-break" your heart... No matter how many people you're loved by and adored, no matter how many times you're told that you're beautiful, desired, amazing, wonderful, and pretty much the best thing in the world, it means nothing to you and you don't believe it as long as "they" don't think so... WHY?!?!
Women don't mind being manipulated, but they hate being taken for granted. "Fine, I'll do what you want, but you better appreciate it!" It's funny though how men never appreciate something that comes easy to them...
The power in a relationship lies with whoever cares less. However, power is not happiness. Happiness is loving extravagantly without expecting anything in return. The happier person cares more :)
Knowing the difference between what was, what is and dealing with not knowing what will be... What was once real, but no longer is, what was never real and how pretending that something will one day be real won't make it so.
Don't harbor false hope. I've learned to have hope not in the event of something happening, but only in God's ability to make it happen.
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smedes
So when does the pain and the fear go away? I surprisingly found out the answer just days after publishing this post: When you forgive yourself and the person who has hurt you. And while you're at it, ask them for forgiveness as well! As hard as the second task may seem, the first one can be much harder, especially if you're an idealist like myself. Guilt, shame, condemnation and thoughts of "How could I have been so stupid???" are not easily shaken off and the desire to punish yourself is overwhelming, even when you're not being punished by anyone else. Acknowledging the fact that you're only human helps, as nothing is as grounding and humbling as a major f*** up that leaves you looking like a fool and feeling like s***.
Ultimately, forgiveness is giving up your right to be upset, angry, hurt and resentful towards the offending party. While you may have every right to feel these things and even consider yourself entitled to feel them, the longer you hold on to them, the longer you deny yourself the freedom that comes with letting go and relinquishing your hold on self-righteous anger.
Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. ~Lewis B. Smedes
