Raising the bar (for real this time!!!)

Current mood: determined
Category: Life

hey peeps, FYI i'm publicly raising the bar (standards) in my life even higher in areas of integrity, purity, finaces, faithfulness and general "Christ-likeness". i know it may sound wierd, but i know i'm held to a higher standard and therefore my life must live up to them. i'm pressing forward, running to win, reaching for the highest goal and whatnot... so i'm asking for your help. youre all my friends and most of you know me pretty well, so i'm asking you to hold me accountable. ask me hard questions, point things out in my life that are questionable, pray for me... My life is an open book and it may be the only Bible some poeple ever read, so help me make it a true reflection of God's glory... Thanks! :)

Bowling was...

Current mood: chipper
Category: Games

*Sigh* I love Tuesdays... Russian class day, which means I pretty much have the morning off... Pure bliss... lol

anyways, yesterday was very fun, i took lots of pictures! my kids really crack me up! the whole way to the bowling alley they were talking up a storm in the van, so excited! talking in English, mind you. now as soon as we get to the place and walk in, they start talking in Russian! I just looked at them like... what the...? where do they get that from?! it was crazy fun, almost all of them have never played before and if it were not for the bumpers it wold have been a sad game, but alas bumpers saved the day and they did really well! i was afraid they wouldnt let me play but they actually wanted my help (out of desperation really because they wanted to beat each other) so i ended up bowling quite a bit :D! they loved it and so did i... it was very sentimental too because it was our last field trip as a class before we got split up so we really enjoyed each other and i got to hear many sappy "I love you"s and "I'll miss you"s and "Thanks you!"s... it was sweet :)

Not sure what to call this... maybe "I'm Sorry"?

Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life

yea i know its late but if i don't get this out now it wont be the same so here goes... this is more of a confession than anything really.

all day today i felt off. i tried to write it off as a crazy day at school with the kids, but i knew that wasn't it. i just felt very restless, uneasy and aggravated. i thought it was from the lack of sleep the night before although now i know that it was really from the lack of my quiet time with God which has been missing for 2 days now (lack of sleep may be to blame).

anyway, by the time i got home i was feeling just rotten and horrible and i knew God was trying to tell me something. i had 3 events planned for tonight, but i really felt like i needed to go to church. desperately... so i called everything off and just straight up told my friend whose birthday party i was supposed to attend that i knew it sounded weird but i really just needed to go to church. the moment i said that and made that decision God has begun to show me what was wrong. deep down i already knew it but i hardened my heart to it for various reasons. well God began to break down that hardness and melt and soften my heart to make it sensitive to His voice again. so before i left for church i read my Bible and scribbled in my prayer journal that I was sorry and asked Jesus to forgive me. i asked Him to speak to me tonight and touch my heart and help me. as usual... God did exactly that... from worship to John's prayer it was like God custom tailored the service just for me. The guest speaker from Australia spoke very frankly on the subject of integrity and purity, having clean hands and a pure heart. he used Sampson and Joseph as examples. when he gave the altar call i knew i needed to run up there and fall on my knees in repentance. but i didn't because my students were literally all around me... usually this is the reason i love my school's church - i love worshiping with my kids and letting them see me set an example for them in listening, taking notes and following along in the Bible. tonight i wished they weren't there... not only them but also their siblings, parents, the pastor (whose son and daughter are in my class), the principal and my friends who knew me as a leader at City Church. i stayed in my seat as the worship team began playing a song that was playing in my head all night - I will worship You for who You are. I saw John pacing down the isle out of the corner of my eye and i know he knew i should be up there... so finally i went... there were a lot of people up there by that time. as i started praying it was like a veil was lifted off of my eyes and my heart clearly heard God... when the worship team began to sing "Evermore", all i could hear was the line "You are Holy". all of a sudden everything became so clear... Kristina teaching 3 weeks ago about how after people come off a spiritual high point they are tested just like Jesus was tested after He was baptized... I was just commissioned... my self righteousness was pretty up there and i was so sure of myself... i thought of myself as a great leader who was "raising the bar"... well all that flew out the window as God showed me what has really been going on in my heart the last two weeks... instead of fleeing temptation i was too busy flirting with it, not caring to guard my heart or mind nor taking every thought into captivity. instead my thoughts have been allowed to wander places that I'm ashamed to admit and it overflowed into what was coming out of my mouth... I was most definitely not living up to God's Holiness! my thoughts and words were anything but holy! the Bible says that pride comes before a fall... i may not have physically done anything, but in my heart and in my mind i was guilty of falling into the same gutter that God has rescued me from. i felt dirty. once that was revealed to me what followed was dripping mascara smeared all over my face... yea... i was repenting... i couldn't believe it, but i was so grateful to God for stopping me in time and loving me enough to help me. it was very humbling to say the least... "Evermore" says "I live for Your glory" and that has been the theme of my life... for last two weeks however, my actions have brought dishonor to God's name and i want to apologize for that. I'm sorry if i caused anyone to stumble... I want to have clean hands and a pure heart before God and a clear conscience before all men. I want to live for His glory and bring Him glory in everything I do and say. I want to be full of integrity and walk uprightly before God like David did. I want to be a Joseph and not a Sampson. I thank God for taking care of me, speaking to me, forgiving me and cleansing me... I love God so much and I'm so thankful to Him for answering my prayers...A righteous man may fall, but he will get up again... Amen!

The Longest Day...

Current mood: exhausted
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

i'm still at school... about to leave though and finish the rest of the work at home over the weekend because i've just about had it today ! today was the day i moved half of my kids up to Ally's class and took on Mrs. Jones class in addition to what was left of mine... so I have a much bigger class now. so the whole time after luch i was preoccupied with new sitting charts, goal charts, files and other massive amounts of paperwork which i'm still not done with ... when i told my kids they were leaving some were excited (the boys) and the some (the girls) just went to hug me... it was sweet... i think i smiled through my tears when Lera said, "If I'm supposed to happy about this, I'm not!" and then Luiza asked me if she was still in my class and when i said "Yes" she said, "Whew! I'm glad! You're the best teacher in the world, I want to be in your class." That just about made me melt... and this is the girl who has failed her latest math workbook 3 times now... and yet she loves me lol

so yea... all in a day's work of a teacher... i'm so sad now... i'm gonna miss my 7 little rascals... and these new kids... i'm afraid to say that besides yelling at them to sit down, be quiet , not to run and patching up their playground wounds, i've had little interaction with them and don't really know them... i know they are excited to be with me now but also sad to miss Mrs. Jones so i imagine the next few weeks will be the adjusting period for both of us...

so yea... i'm all emotionally drained now lol and i have a full night ahead of me... Jesus help me! oh and i got two roses today from the two boys in my class who are leaving to be home schooled... i love my job! good byes and everything... these kids love me more than any guy could lol !

Skipping class...

Current mood: nervous
Category: School, College, Greek

I didn't go to class tonight L and yes I feel guilty! We threw a surprise party for Mrs. Jones tonight at Ally's because she is leaving to Hawaii on Tuesday *tear* (oh and I'm taking on her class and moving half of mine up to Ally's) and I didn't want to leave in the middle of hanging out with my favorite people and saying bye to Mrs. Jones. I texted Dennis to ask him about class he only made me feel super guilty by telling me how good it was :-/ punk! So yea... I feel like a high schooler who is gonna get chewed out tomorrow... yikes! pray for me!

Lessons from When Harry Met Sally

Current mood: amused
Category: Romance and Relationships

I watched it for the first time about 4 years ago under circumstances that do not need to be discussed right now, and I thought that the whole "guys and girls can never be just friends" thing was so true... even now, looking back on my BC days, I don't think I ever had a guy friend that at some point or another didn't like me or I didn't like him or something somehow happened between us. But now it's all different. While right now I have just as many attractive guy friends as BC, its no longer difficult being "just friends" with them. Perhaps it is because I view all of them as either my sweet, protective older brothers, or playful, silly and fun younger brothers. Either way, I see them not only as friends, but also as brothers, people that I can trust and who I know are looking out for my best interest and not their own personal satisfaction. Therefore there is no tension or strain on our relationship J and the guys that I did like/date without the desired result are now seen by me as friends and brothers as well. There's no wondering about "what ifs" and "maybes" because I know that they weren't the one and now all feelings are gone and I have a peace about being "just friends". My BC friends can't understand that and I don't blame them. There can't comprehend the idea of me not wanting to casually date anymore and waiting to date until I meet my husband. How will I know? I trust God that I will. Until then I'm perfectly content in being surrounded by my absolutely wonderful friends of both sexes because friendships alone are fulfilling enough for me right now. While some of my friends balk at my 2 year (1.5 now to be exact) plan I laugh (not in a mean way) about their short lived painful attempts at looking for love where it can't be found. There will always be temporary pleasure and all relationships are all wonderful at first and yes it's exciting and thrilling and fun and all those things, but it never lasts! And to me, if it doesn't last, it's not worth it. And by "last" I don't mean a week or a month or even a few (dozen) years... I mean a lifetime. I don't want to steal what doesn't legally and Biblically belong to me so I can enjoy it for a short while before having it taken form me in the most painful way. I want the very best of what God wants to give me and nothing less.

LOL I also love the spontanious epiphanies that guys get when they finally realize, Hey, she's the one! I love her! WOW... it's like, did it really take her leaving you for you to come to that realization? So yea, not quite P&P but on a similar scale...

On a lighter note, I love the part in the movie where Harry says "I'm done making a shmuck out of myself!" or something like that and then sings karaoke into the phone for Sally! HAHA! How true that sometimes when we resolve not to do something anymore all we do is kick it up a notch!!! I can think of quite a few examples of when I did exactly that... but those shall remain unspoken ;)

Random “snowed in” musings...

Current mood: awake
Category: Life

Some things you can do when "snowed in": (yea, I've pretty much done them all tonightJ)

*Take an extra long, extra hot shower ;) with worship music blaring in the background (Hillsong, of course!)

*Straighten your hair (its takes a while)

*Watch movies that you haven't seen in a long time and have those "oh yea, I forgot that was in there" moments

*Talk on AIM

*Text

*Talk on the phone

*Make dinner J

*Blog on Myspace

*Do anything on Myspace

*Torture (I mean lovingly tease) your siblings

*Balance your checkbook

*Drink lots of tea

*Read

Ok enough of that... I finished off the gummy bears and rocked out to Russian music today... I miss Kristina L I cant believe I'll be giving up half of my class next week and taking on twice as many kids... This will be interesting... I don't wanna move up half my kids!!! I'll miss them!

Excited for my RI trip!!! WOO HOO!!!

Here's a Russian song for ya'll to listen to! It was my fave about a week ago, but after playing it a 100x in a row, I think I played it out... it's still awesome though!

www.hifigroup.ru and click on music and then click on "unpublished. It's called Seventh Petal.

What else? Oh yea... but that needs to be in a blog of its own…